a ridiculous raw youth

Tales of Mere Existence

2010-07-20T08:25:00.001-05:00

Story of my life.

NSFW?

2010-07-12T20:45:00.002-05:00

(dudetube and some other tumblrs)

Imperial Bedrooms

2010-06-27T11:23:00.006-05:00

So the new Bret Easton Ellis book Imperial Bedrooms is bad, but I think my least favorite part is the author's picture on the dust jacket.

This is the picture of a man who desperately needs to be punched in the face.

(For those of you who would be interested in a picture of a naked man using the book cover of Imperial Bedrooms to shield his nudity, visit my new tumblr: Naked Bookshelf--all of the cool kids have narrowly-specific tumblr feeds, and I didn't want to feel left out.)

Oh, Daddy!

2010-06-20T10:06:00.001-05:00

Julio Gaggia, photographer.

Solitary Soldiers Keeping the Grind Alive

2010-06-10T08:26:00.002-05:00

I didn't sleep well last night. Fortunately, this morning I stumbled onto a new guilty pleasure, the aptly named tumblr Dancing Alone to Pony. Waking up to bachelors, looking for a partner, is going to make today a pretty awesome day regardless of how I slept. So simple, and yet so awesome.

My favorite, the kitchen grinder:

Dating Tips for Today's Bachelor

2010-06-08T18:25:00.004-05:00

This Toy Story 3 promotion was directed by the cutest director I can think of, Angus MacLane.

My Kind of Kama Sutra

2010-06-06T10:04:00.000-05:00

My Netflix Queue Is Super Gay

2010-05-19T20:43:00.003-05:00

Get Bruce: A hilarious documentary about Bruce Vilanch
Pageant: An overrated behind-the-scenes look of "Miss Gay America"
Elaine Stritch: At Liberty: A one-woman show by bitchiest Broadway diva.

Seriously. Super-duper gay.

Photo

2010-05-11T18:53:00.001-05:00

Via dudetube the tumblr.

You Oughta Be Proud That I'm Getting Good Marks

2010-05-07T20:13:00.000-05:00

Daria!

2010-05-03T18:07:00.000-05:00

This is probably the worst trailer possible for one of ~~my favorite~~ the best shows of all time. I'm still excited to own the series on DVD though.

I forget where this picture comes from

2010-05-03T13:55:00.004-05:00

I reinstalled Windows last week, and now every time I look at my laptop I have to think twice about whether it's worthwhile to turn it on only to spend the rest of the evening downloading security updates, codecs and add-ons. Fingers crossed, I'm almost done.

But on the plus side, backing up my files meant that I found a lot of cool stuff I meant to blog about but never got around to.

Today's Date Means Nothing To Me

2010-04-20T18:51:00.003-05:00

I am incredibly sick of all the references to marijuana. All day long, it's like "420 giggle giggle" and it's like, I get it and I don't care.

I've Often Compared Religion to Games of Telephone

2010-04-14T07:29:00.001-05:00

(via SMBC)

Weekend With The Boyfriend's Family

2010-04-12T15:58:00.003-05:00

As previous stated, the boyfriend and I met with his family on Saturday as part of a belated Easter slash early 30th birthday celebration. They are all nice people, though they are somewhat exhausting to be around, constant chattering on top of more chattering, all while making decisions that I don't understand.

For example, what kind of people drive three hours for a family get-together only to spend ninety minutes in a chain bookstore in downtown Chicago? It wasn't just Borders though; it was a full day at the Magnificent Mile shopping at chain franchises found at any mall anywhere in the continental 48: Gap, Macys, Eddie Bauer, Jamba Juice, A&F, Nike, etc.

I just don't get the thought process behind that. And I don't think I ever will.

I'm Not Dead

2010-04-09T09:01:00.005-05:00

Remember when I used to post stories, or at least somewhat witty anecdotes about my life? Somewhat regularly? Way back when?

I have two theories why posting has more-or-less disappeared.

1. It's all I can do to keep up with my RSS feed. While my google reader has made following blogs easier, it's a mixed blessing. I'm reading somewhere between 500 and 600 blog posts a day. It can be overwhelming.

2. My boyfriend is a hoverer. I'll be sitting on the couch with my laptop out, and he'll come sit next to me and start reading over my shoulder. And since he promised to stop reading the blog because he kept getting his feelings hurt (and I more-or-less believe him when he says he's stopped), I just save the post and mean to restart it at some point in the future. Which doesn't often happen.

Which more or less leaves me with posts of mostly naked pictures of cute men and youtube videos of the Reagans admitting their drug addiction.

The boyfriend and I are meeting his parents in Chicago this weekend for some belated Easter/early birthday greetings. Maybe there'll be a story there. A short one, so I can actually finish it.

Who You Gonna Call?

2010-04-01T08:06:00.000-05:00

On the day of my birth, the number one song in America was Ghostbusters.

PROPHETIC? (Or just pathetic?)

Work Sucks

2010-03-30T19:09:00.004-05:00

It's almost funny how many incomplete posts I have saved but have yet to complete due to circumstances beyond my control.

Some of these circumstances have been positive, like a new threesome buddy into weeknight drinking and doinking, and some have been negative, like three coworkers giving their two week notice in the last five days and adds hiring and training to the massive list of things I have to do before mid-April.

Hence the graphic found above, which has been rolling around the tumblrs and facebooks and all those things lately.

Starrbooty

2010-03-22T13:28:00.003-05:00

Don't get me wrong--I love RuPaul's Drag Race as much as the next homo. But I don't understand why RuPaul should be allowed to criticize anyone after starring in Starbooty.

It certainly sounds like a great idea, a star vehicle for RuPaul with equal parts Russ Meyer, John Waters and "The Naked Gun," but instead of being a campy hot mess, it's just a cheap mess. Even the gratuitous male nudity doesn't save the flick, since most of the nudity comes from gay porn stars doing cameos. (If you really want to see Michael Lucas' penis, there are much better films to watch.)

When supermodel/agency operative Starrbooty learns her niece has been kidnapped by her archrival, Annaka Manners, Starrbooty's only option is to go undercover as a street hooker to rescue her. The only snag in our heroine's plan is that in order to infiltrate the prostitution underworld she has to gain street credibility by going "all the way" with the johns.

This time, deep cover threatens to unravel Starrbooty at her very core because this time, not only is it personal but she also discovers secrets about her true identity that she wasn't supposed to know.

the world is mud-licious and puddle-wonderful

2010-03-18T08:46:00.004-05:00

There's something fantastic about a St Patrick's Day so warm that my drink of choice is a grasshopper. I know global warming is bad and all, but the combination of ice cream and alcohol is enough to make me lease an SUV and never walk again.

During happy hour it was warm enough for throngs of shirtless men to constantly run past the bar. Spring is not the only thing that sprung last night.

PLZ TO BEWARE TEH IDES OF MARCH

2010-03-15T14:38:00.000-05:00

(via lolerature)

Academy Awards Dead-Blog

2010-03-07T21:19:00.001-06:00

As you may have guessed, I've decided against a liveblog of the Oscars.

Actually, the decision was made for me, since the internet in our building cut out about twenty minutes before the show was due to begin, and only came back, intermittently, starting with that half-hearted waste of time tribute to horror films.

But as a consolation prize, below you will find naked pictures of men with the posters of the best picture nominees covering the good parts.

KaPow!

2010-03-07T10:50:00.002-06:00

For those of you interested, my wisdom teeth removal was an uneventful success, and the most painful part has been the severe limitation of my alcohol consumption while I'm on medication (even though the medication is not making me nearly as loopy or excitable as I was led to believe). I'm a little lethargic, as if I were fighting a cold, but that's about it. So disappointing.

At least I'm barely puffy and still fairly cute.

I haven't decided whether I will be live-blogging tonight's Oscars. It depends on how I'm feeling later this afternoon and if I get any comments encouraging me. I had fun in previous years, but I don't know how popular the feature ends up being, and if I can't have alcohol the awards show might not be nearly as enjoyable and my quips might not be nearly as funny.

To end this post on an unrelated note, this picture of the Count beating up that Twilight dude makes my day.

(Pic found at Boing Boing via a deviantART account with a silly name)

It's the Beat My Heart Skips

2010-03-03T11:04:00.003-06:00

This is a pre-scheduled post; if everything has gone according to plan, my wisdom teeth were removed about twenty minutes ago and I am in a delightful, druggy haze.

For no real reason, here's a mini mix with three covers of one of the musical gems of the past ten years, each a radically different take on the Beyonce hit. Right click, save as, support your favorite artists, etc.

Crazy in Love as performed by the Baseballs
Crazy in Love as performed by the Puppini Sisters
Crazy in Love (live) as performed by Antony and the Johnsons

Ow! My Wisdom!

2010-03-01T17:30:00.006-06:00

Posting this week might be ~~less than usual~~ exactly whatever the hell passes as normal for this blog lately, due to my heading back home to have my wisdom teeth removed. I know, I am kind of old for this, but my mom only had hers out when she was 45, and my aunt still has hers, so I didn't think it would be a problem. But now they are, and here I am.

I'd like to point out that I'm not plugging for sympathy; I've got the tolerance of a perfectionist drag queen and can tolerate physical pain while going about my business and still look fantastic. I might be a little puffy, sure, but I'm not worried and am completely uninterested in the massive amounts of sympathy that everyone has been extending to me for the past week.

What I am interested in is these pictures by Doug Inglish that have been sitting in my "to blog" file for weeks.

I might not be interested in sympathy, but I wouldn't mind one of these guys dressed up in a sexy little nurse's outfit.

Sassy Gay Friend

2010-02-24T22:28:00.001-06:00

Five Thoughts For A Friday

2010-02-12T06:51:00.002-06:00

1. Even though I hate it when skinny white guys try to be sassy black women, I'm totally digging Janelle Monae's new single, available for streaming here. I've told the boyfriend to 'put some voodoo on it' at least twice in the last twenty-four hours.

2. More tastefully done black-and-white male nude photography, this time by Edward Weston and Horst P Horst. Remember, this counts as cultural, not pornographic.

3. Even though I enjoy classy black and white photos of naked men, Homoshame is my new favorite website.

4. I've had this song stuck in my head all week.

I know.

5. I know I don't pay enough attention to world politics, but this picture of Ahmadinejad makes me laugh. I wish I had better photoshop skills to create a gallery with Stalin, Hitler, Mao, and other evil dictators wearing 3-D glasses.

(via Tale of Two Cities/Jockohomo)

American Hunks

2010-02-09T08:41:00.000-06:00

I love finding softcore-ish porn in coffee table book form at the library.

Below, a selection of the work of J.C. Leyendecker for Ivory Soap.

Please refrain from making "Don't drop the soap" comments... they're too easy.

Sports!

2010-02-08T18:09:00.002-06:00

I was not one of those hundred million plus people who made that football game the other day the most popular thing ever. Instead, the boyfriend and I had an anti-Superbowl party, inviting a few friends over for stupidly fancy bar food (chili based on a mole sauce, homemade tortilla chips sprinkled with cheese made from goat and sheep milk, pan-roasted potato wedges, raspberry beer) while ogling Gene Kelly's butt in cheesy 1940s musicals.

It was good times. But it happened ten days ago, and not this past Sunday.

Because we are fancypants gays and we are friends with fancypants gays, we ended up throwing the anti-Superbowl party the week before the big game. No one realized we had the wrong date until we tried checking the score in-between movies. Oh well.

And so while the Saints were doing things to the Colts, we had our threesome buddy over for a night of campy sequels, including Adams Family Values, Charlies Angels: Full Throttle, and A Very Brady Sequel. And that was pretty fun too.

Rumors Of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

2010-02-08T17:30:00.002-06:00

But my computer did die about ten days ago, or rather the cord that connects my laptop to the power supply died. But thanks to the good people at USPS, I'm back in business.

Normal posting (whatever that means) should resume shortly.

Wish I Had the Balls To Wear This To Work.

2010-01-26T09:37:00.000-06:00

Although first I would need to buy some legos. And probably some superglue.

Again, found via homotography.

It's Happened Again!

2010-01-25T08:07:00.003-06:00

It looks like someone else on the internets have taken my (entirely original) idea of combining classic literature with barely SFW pictures of naked men, only to do it professionally instead of crappy photoshop skills. This time, it was Bruce Weber, shooting for VMAN magazine, found via homotography.

And for those of you still interested, I have yet to declare a winner in my contest in regards to guessing how many books/pages I read last year, if only because I can't find the little reporter's notebook I used to keep track of the books. I'm hoping to find it soon.

Upular

2010-01-23T18:52:00.001-06:00

Yes, I know that this is probably all over RSS feeds this weekend, but in my own defense, I haven't been able to log into my blogger account for a few days (which doesn't explain totally the lull in posts, but it helps.)

Taj Mahal, the pyramids of Egypt, are unique I suppose But when they built Mrs DeBruin they broke the mold

2010-01-17T15:47:00.006-06:00

My favorite teacher from high school died last night, which has put a real damper on the extended holiday weekend and tonight's Golden Globe party.

I'm kind of surprised at how torn up I am about her death.

I mean, I logged into my facebook account for the first time in six months to join a memorial page for her. It's an impotent way of expressing grief, but I don't have a whole lot of options. I've been listening to a lot of Springsteen, since she's the one who turned me from liking some of his songs to believing fully in his sobriquet.

There's a lot of depressing Springsteen songs about death and loss. This could take a while.

New Yeared

2010-01-09T08:45:00.003-06:00

Disappointing 'parties,' cliched resolutions, and not nearly enough heavy drinking. Do I really need to say more?

I suppose I must elaborate, since I haven't posted in a monthful of Sundays.

First: dinner with co-worker-friends of the boyfriend, a toss-up between a new French/Asian fusion place or something called Abuelos, that no one had heard of but one person was really, really rooting for. Somehow, Abuelos won, to our dismay. Not only was it a chain restaurant, but it was a chain restaurant that was trying to do to Mexican food what Olive Garden did to Italian, with random place names, fake homey ethnic charm created by terrible murals and fake architecture, and starchy processed sides that didn't fill you up but instead just made you feel 'eh'.

To top it off. Friends of one of the boyfriend's coworkers were invited, and despite being in their mid-to-late twenties, the other side of the table decided to pool together all of the extra cheese, salsa, sweet-n-low, and various other condiments, blend it on an extra plate, and dare people to eat it.

Fortunately, we duck out at this point, trying to make it to a party held by some friends of the boyfriend. Calling it a party might be stretching it; twelve people sitting around a large dining room table playing a game that combines cards, slaying dragons, and potions is not really a party--it's just lame. We give up almost immediately.

Time is running out. We decide to forgo a party thrown by one of my friends, thanks to a surreptitious text message saying that it was kind of a dud, and they were probably going to hit a bar on the other side of town when the time came. We passed on that much driving.

Local watering hole it was, filled to the gills with people who finally found babysitters, and so they're going out hard. Lots of desperate 40 year old straight couples and a surprising amount of young gay men that either the boyfriend or I did a coffee date or hooked up with, and they were all looking worse for the wear, which made us concerned that maybe we were worse off too. Not to sound too conceited, but I don't think so. At least not that bad.

It was also karaoke night. When the midnight hour came, the dj/host let the theatre fag who was obviously still bitter for being passed over for the lead in his high school's production of "Guys and Dolls" finish his rendition of "Luck Be A Lady Tonight" before grabbing the microphone and saying something to the effect of "Sorry about this guys, but according to my computer its 12:01, so Happy New Year! There's free champagne at the bar if you'd like. Up next is a drunk forty-year-old woman with teased hair who's singing some Patsy Cline."

And then it was twenty-ten. The End.

Contest Reminder

2009-12-30T07:01:00.001-06:00

Just a friendly reminder that I'm holding a contest, inspired by my ongoing NSFW series of not writing reviews of books I've recently enjoyed, instead choosing to photoshop the bookjacket over the naughty bits of cute naked men I find on the internet.

Whoever comes closest to guessing the total number of pages and/or books I've read over the past year gets a prize. I'll announce the winner sometime next week.

(Please note that I've had to downgrade my commenting system because haloscan is forcing me to pay money to continue using their services so I can link my comments on twitter, tumblr, myspace, facebook, and every other online social network I don't use. Don't worry, I've kept track of all previous guesses.)

New World Monkeys by Nancy Munro

This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper

How to Buy a Love of Reading by Tonya Egan Gibson

Little Bee by Chris Cleave

I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb

Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

Boogeying to the Elf Dance

2009-12-29T12:12:00.004-06:00

So remember when I said that Christmas was going to be a bummer because my parents were afraid of driving in the weather, and so it was shaping up to be a quiet, lackluster holiday?

Turns out, I lied.

Or rather, they lied, or Mother Nature lied, or the weatherman lied; at any point, the storm ended up missing our neck of the woods, and we had unseasonably nice weather on Christmas eve.

And so I received a voicemail from my parents around 2 PM saying that since the roads weren't so bad, they decided they were going to drive down anyway. In fact, they were on their way already and should be arriving in town around 3.

Which led to a madcap hour of chicken-with-its-head-cut-off syndrome, with the boyfriend and I running to the store, baking, and cleaning, leading to what ended up being a successful Christmas.

Successful until the boyfriend discovered we had a foundation leak in the living room, and the the bottom of some of the presents were damp due to the soggy carpet. Due to a Christmas miracle our management company has a Jewish maintenance man who had no problem coming in on December 25th to take care of everything, and so everything worked out in the end.

I leave you with a Sufjan Stevens song, since he provided the soundtrack this year.

Fuck You Bing Crosby

2009-12-24T09:29:00.002-06:00

Fuck you Irving Berlin, and fuck any notion of a white Christmas.

Not to sound like a whiny pessimist, but it figures that the first time the boyfriend and I plan to host a major holiday, Mother Nature decides to send waves of ice storms and inches of sleet from now until Saturday, making the highways impassable for my meek-driving parents.

And so now the boyfriend and I have $170 worth of food, a spotless apartment, and nothing to do but catch up on Dollhouse episodes for the next few days.

There are plenty of worse things that could happen, and I'm not complaining too much, but still: how disappointing.

Not A Good Way To Wake Up From A Nap

2009-12-18T18:08:00.002-06:00

My mom just called. She was reading a list of the funniest protest signs of 2009 because year-end lists are more or less the only thing left on the internet these days.

She was confused about the following sign:

And she wanted me to explain to her what teabagging means.

It was an awkward conversation, to say the least.

Happy Birthday Simpsons!

2009-12-17T08:47:00.005-06:00

Despite what overweight white guys type on the internet, it's still a solid show, and doesn't deserve the glut of articles badmouthing its output over the past decade.

You know what? You're not as funny or smart or cool as you were twenty years ago either, so lay off the Simpsons.

Our First Noel

2009-12-14T07:58:00.003-06:00

My first thought when I woke up this morning, before rolling over and hitting the snooze button, was "Hot Damn--Christmas is in 10 days, and I haven't done shit yet."

Well, that's not true. I did stop by Target on Sunday to pick up a small fake plastic tree for the end table, and I have been nagging the boyfriend to get started on planning the Christmas meals.

That's right. The boyfriend and I are hosting Christmas at our place. Twice, no less. Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Brunch with my family, and Christmas dinner with a rag-tag bunch of friends, mostly grad students, who don't have any other plans. I seem to be taking it a lot more seriously than he is, and he's the one who has to do most of the cooking.

(Superfluous picture of Santas in speedos via the wickedgayblog.)

Presents Opening Children

2009-12-11T07:32:00.001-06:00

by Rob Sheridan

Contest!

2009-12-10T08:06:00.002-06:00

It's no secret that I read a lot, reading almost as many books in a week than the average American does in a year. But the question has always been, how much?

This year has been the first that I've actively kept a list with all of the books I've read and finished, along with the total number of pages. I've tried keeping a list in previous years, but this is the first year that I've kept up with it and have a running total. And while so far it's not as large as I thought it would be, it's still a ridiculously high number.

And so I'm announcing a contest. Whoever is closest to guessing the total number of books or total number of pages I've read in the calendar year will get a special prize. I haven't decided on what the prize will be, but it will be fantastic.

The final number count and winner will be announced in the first few days of January, but you guys can start guessing now by leaving a comment to this post.

Snow!

2009-12-09T15:36:00.003-06:00

So, I love snowdays. Not as much as the slightly NSFW man above, but I do love a free day off of work, especially now that I'm no longer responsible for any shoveling.

Last night, after being home sent home early due to the storm, the boyfriend and I sat around at home, catching up on old NYTimes Crossword puzzles and listening to jazz. We don't have a fireplace or a bearskin rug, but it was still nice and quaint. Rustic, almost.

In fact, the rustic-ness has been the only downside to this inclement weather hubbub, since the internet at the apartment has been wonky for more or less the past week, and so we haven't been able to catch up on television or posts or anything like that. It's all been "quality" together-time, when really all I want to do is drink heavily and watch that ridiculous Alice in Wonderland revamp.

Plus, the craigslists and manhunts are exploding with puns about how 'the snow isn't the only thing that needs blowing' and college students trapped in the dorms deciding to update their 'adult' profiles on all of the online 'communities' and I want to make sure I can catch as much skin as I can as we head into six months of dressing in layers.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T07:39:00.004-06:00

Last year it was to his sister's place, and this year for Thanksgiving it's time for his parents. For better or for worse, his family takes holidays more seriously than mine do and much more high maintenance, and so they usually win out on these sorts of things. Even though it means a six hour drive each way for a two-night stay, probably longer this time due to weather.

If I had my way, the boyfriend and I would spend the afternoon at the local Indian buffet and then sit on the couch nursing our food-babies and catching up on my Netflix queue. It would be fantastic. But no.

Like all our road trips, I've added making mix cds to my pre-trip to-do list, because five states is a lot of NPR for the boyfriend to argue with. And figured that since I haven't posted in a while, I would kill two birds with one stone and make a mix for the blog.

This time, more covers! As always, right click and save as, preview use only, limited bandwidth, up for a limited time, etc.

I Kissed a Girl performed by Max Vernon
Single Ladies performed by Pomplamoose
Just A Girl performed by Shannon Butcher
Mamma Mia performed by Miniature Tigers
Mexican Radio performed by Bruce Lash
Blister in the Sun performed by Paddy Milner
Womanizer performed by Sliimy

He Just Wants To Be Cool

2009-11-19T22:51:00.000-06:00

Gawk

2009-11-16T11:02:00.003-06:00

I thought I was pretty classy when it came to checking guys out, but there's a picture on our local bar's website where my jaw is open and my eyes are bugging like the wolf in old Tex Avery cartoons. Even more embarrassing is that the guy I was checking out was cropped in half and lit awkwardly, and not nearly at hot as he is in real life.

It's one thing not to have tact, but having no tact and no taste, that's just pathetic.

(Picture of Robert Buckley via Hunk du Jour)

Masthead Update: Geek Edition

2009-11-09T14:27:00.000-06:00

Here's a new batch of banners for the rotating mastheads, for those few of you who still visit this site the old-fashioned way.

As always, information about photographers can be found in the sidebar.

The Most Exciting Woman

2009-11-08T14:35:00.002-06:00

This morning while making pancakes for breakfast, I asked the boyfriend to put on some music to mask the noise of our upstairs neighbor who does a aerobics DVD every morning. He put on something loud and rocking, but I vetoed that. I decided that today was an Eartha Kitt day.

Eartha Kitt days are the best days.

Bitches Christmas

2009-11-02T19:45:00.005-06:00

I wasn't planning on dressing up for Halloween. I'm not a big fan of holidays in general--all build up and the expectation of fun--but I was feeling out of it all week. But the boyfriend had his heart set on dressing up and going out, so I was going to be a fuddy-duddy and tag along, costume-less.

He originally was going to dress in drag with a mask covering the back of his head and be a post-modern Janus, god of beginnings, endings and transitions.

(Yeah, I thought it was lame too, but I couldn't talk him out of it. At the bar, he quickly gave up that idea and just went as "Svetlana, self-proclaimed queen of Russian dance-whores.")

And so, Saturday evening we had to make a last-minute trip to the Hot Topic at the mall for fishnet stockings for this costume.

And while we were there, I found a sexy Rainbow Brite costume, and I was like, hells yeah. I didn't even notice that it was 50% off until I got to the register.

It barely fit, with a plunging neckline that showed off my chest hair and a skirt that fell so short I couldn't wear boxers underneath. Add a blond wig, a red star painted on my cheek, and rainbow leg warmers, and I was the belle of the ~~ball~~ bar.

And even though I totally should have won the costume contest, the boyfriend and I did get a consolation prize.

Two, in fact.

Two phone numbers from two different bottoms who were into us. We sealed the deal with the cute, short red-head last night, and tomorrow night the 6' blonde Scandinavian is coming over to "hang out."

Maybe we should dress in drag more often.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T16:32:00.001-05:00

Dear Noah and the Whale,

2009-10-29T08:58:00.002-05:00

When I found out you guys were playing a show in town, I got excited, and when I found out tickets were $10, I picked them up more or less right away.

Imagine my disappointment in finding out that you are no longer the band I want you to be. No longer are you the effervescent band that would sound right in place in a compilation of twee British anti-folk music that wasn't featured on the Juno soundtrack because it doesn't grate on you as much over time.

Now, you sound like a cover band specializing in Wilco b-sides.

And everyone in the audience felt it. The boyfriend and I were sitting in the balcony, and even we could tell that by the third or fourth song, everyone was mentally rolling their eyes to the back of their head and muttering "I get it. You were just dumped and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is a great album. But come on."

In the future, please watch some 30 Rock or something before performing, because I think that if you guys are in a good mood before you perform and not try to cop the 'tortured genius artiste' personae, the audience is going to be most appreciative.

Love,
Bob
(the ridiculous raw youth)

I Really Should Take Up Yoga

2009-10-28T23:47:00.000-05:00

(Antonio Anuk, shot by Alvaro Villarrubia, as found on pretty much every gay photo blog in the past week.)

Librarians Gone Wild!

2009-10-26T12:41:00.006-05:00

I think I would be much more excited about the high camp value of a competition that features dancing librarians in costumes if it wasn't for the fact that somewhere on the internet exists a video of my mom competing.

I haven't been able to find a video of her team's performance yet, but I'm also kind of afraid to look.

She had a lot of fun doing it, so much so I'm almost tempted to pick up a second job at the local library just so I can do it next year.

Beware of the Book

2009-10-21T19:05:00.006-05:00

The boyfriend and I went to a dinner party last night where we made our own spring rolls (which was much easier than we thought it would be) and the guy from the couple we didn't know was incredibly cute.

The first time I saw him, instantly I had him pegged and I could hardly wait until we got into the car to describe him in a forced quip: he looked like the kind of guy who used to masturbate on vintage sean cody, before they went hi-def, back when it was more about corn-fed earnestness and embarassed smiles than ab definition and a lack of tan lines. Oh, how I would have hit that.

And speaking of hitting that, it's about time for one of my posts featuring gratuitous man flesh with all of the good parts covered with the dust jackets of books I've recently read and would recommend. Consider yourself warned about the work-safety of the rest of this post--above graphic via book bench.

Sunnyside by Glen David Gold

Pyongyang by Guy Delisle

Zeitoun by Dave Eggers

Dykes to Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel

The Clinton Years by Taylor Branch

The Humbling by Philip Roth

Provenance by Laney Salisbury and Aly Sujo

The Boyfriend Says Picking Up Guys At Church Is Skeezy

2009-10-12T08:39:00.001-05:00

Normally I would agree with him, but we go to a really liberal church, and yesterday's sermon was in honor of Coming Out Day, and he was really cute. He was also totally making eyes at us throughout the sermon, and I wish I hadn't let the boyfriend talk me out of introducing ourselves after the service.

And it's not like I think we could have picked-him-up picked him up. Forgive me the Sex and the City reference, but neither of us are a Samantha, and it takes a lot more than introductions before a jump cut to the three of us in flagrante while Sarah Jessica Parker says a voice over saying "Even though they weren't Catholic, they spent the rest of the morning on their knees" or something of equal asininity.

Most likely, we would have said hello and exchanged phone numbers or IM names amidst small talk about the sermon, ending with vague promises to hang out sometime. At best, we'd hang out a few times before settling in for drinks at a movie at our place, and by the time someone is feeling handsy and confident enough and starts bringing up the possibility of moving to the bedroom, the third will have drank too much and veto fun that night, and the mood will be awkward and he'll stop returning phone calls. Not that that's happened before.

Oh well. I guess that's what Missed Connections are for.

Three Links To End the Week

2009-10-09T11:59:00.002-05:00

1. For the first time in my life, I am thinking about purchasing a Playboy.

2. The new Nobel Laureate in Literature looks like a drag queen's take on a Disney villain, and I think it's affecting my take on her oeuvre.

3. This video is more mesmerizing than a lava lamp. Hotter, too.

Moving A Block Away From the Karaoke Bar Was A Bad Thing For My Credit Card Blog

2009-10-09T08:09:00.000-05:00

It's the closest bar to the new apartment, which I'm finding to be a mixed blessing.

One the one hand, I'm fabulous, as are the drink specials. On the other, I'm singing songs from High School Musical 2 under the influence of alcohol in the presence of others.

Mixed blessing, at best.

POMx Iced Coffee

2009-10-07T19:31:00.005-05:00

Full Disclosure: The lovely people at Pom have sent me, not one but two care packages within the past few weeks with new products for me to ~~shill~~ try. While the new flavors of pomegranate juice-blends struck me as superfluous (do we really need pomegranate-kiwi or pomegranate-nectarine cluttering the shelves?), the flavored iced coffees were pretty good. Certainly miles better than the Starbucks equivalent.

And now, to offset the blatant commercialism, I give you eye candy.

Curse My Local PBS Station!

2009-10-05T15:58:00.002-05:00

I got excited, thinking that the new season of Art 21 was starting this week. But the local PBS has decided to give this season a pass, and so instead this Wednesday they'll be showing a documentary about the origins and traditions of the American craft movement. Kind of close, yet so much lamer.

Copycat!

2009-10-01T19:09:00.002-05:00

Cute naked guys covering up the good parts with literature? I've been doing that with random images found online for years, but I guess someone has beat me to the punch by using a live model.

(This particular cutie is Conner Habib as shot by themaleimage, as the annoying watermark makes clear.)

I Was Monica

2009-10-01T09:33:00.002-05:00

The boyfriend and I are either fantasticly clever or not nearly as funny as we think we are. But either way, we totally rocked this late 90s gem of a song at karaoke last night.

Monster In My Pants

2009-09-26T00:31:00.004-05:00

The best part of karaoke night at the local dive bar is that the music choices haven't been updated in at least ten years, and there are all sorts of ridiculous songs that time forgot. This song is almost exactly as old as I am, with the release date only a few weeks from the day I was born.

I don't think my life was truly complete until I discovered this song existed.

Saturday Night

2009-09-19T21:29:00.003-05:00

So yesterday after work the boyfriend ran into one of our neighbors from across the hall, a kind-of-cute guy in his late twenties, and made pleasantries in a way that implied that he and his wife would get along with us socially as a couple. As a throwaway, our neighbor mentioned that they were having people over on Saturday and we should stop by.

And so. Saturday night, a little after 9 PM we hear our neighbors buzzing people into the building. The boyfriend and I are getting ready to cross the hall, double-checking our hair and deciding whether we need to put on shoes to cross the hall to someone else's apartment, when we hear a "Happy Birthday! Thanks for inviting us over!" and we both do a double take (or at least what counts as a double take in a real life situation and not an old sitcom). Well crap.

We've spent the last twenty minutes alternating between listening at the door, trying to figure out if the husband invited us to his wife's birthday party (which is seeming more and more likely with each new party guest). We're also alternating between talking the other into enough assertiveness to go over and introduce ourselves, even though it's a birthday party and we don't know the birthday girl.

They always say that your social life gets knocked down a notch after moving in with a significant other, but I don't think this is what they had in mind.

Good Old-Fashioned Rules Days

2009-09-14T13:46:00.002-05:00

(Arguably NSFWish)

It's that time of year again. At the local bar, the drink specials have switched over from mojitos and mint juleps to hot toddies and various oddly-named mixtures of coffee, dessert spices, and Baileys. All media is swarmed with advertisements for ~~the new fall season~~ that Jay Leno thing. The internets are filled with pictures of hairless torsos belonging to students looking for a "study break" and "tuition help."

Despite the color of the leaves and what the weatherman says, summer's over. It's back to school time, time for young men to go out and hit the books. And long-time readers know what that means: time for me to post pictures of naked men with the good parts covered up by good books.

Me Cheeta by "Cheeta"

Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon

The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb

Dinosaurs On The Roof by David Rabe

A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Murakami

Coraline by Neil Gaiman

"Your Cthulhu Impersonation Is Not A Turn-On!"

2009-09-13T21:31:00.002-05:00

I may put up with the boyfriend's sci-fi geekery with saint-like patience, but there's only so much I can allow.

Admittedly, I did not say that in the bedroom, but rather after a half hour of him trying to get me into the sack despite my pleas that I was still too full from dinner.

But still. Not sexy.

Ten Commandments

2009-09-11T11:11:00.002-05:00

Thou shalt fight conformism
Thou shalt be the messenger of freedoms
Thou shalt make use of sex
Thou shalt reinvent life
Thou shalt create artificial art
Thou shalt have a sense of purpose
Thou shalt not know exactly what thou dost, but thou shalt do it
Thou shalt give thy love
Thou shalt grab the soul
Thou shalt give something back

- The Ten Commandments for Gilbert and George, 1995

It's Been A Weird Morning

2009-09-09T09:04:00.004-05:00

I woke up to find an email from the husband of a friend from high school in my inbox, desperate and angry with vague threats of suicide, claiming that he found his wife's diaries and discovered the two of us have been having an affair, off and on, for the past eight years.

I don't particularly feel as though I should leave this email sitting in my inbox for long without responding, so I'm spending my morning proving my gold-star-gay status and that I haven't seen the friend in question since 2004.

It's not a fun way to start the day.

Dessert Before Lunch?

2009-09-04T07:09:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend, and on my way I walked past my old apartment. My old apartment was cheap and in the heart of downtown, but it was not a particularly nice apartment, certainly not someplace I thought of as 'home.' I'm not sure if I think that our new place is 'home' yet either, but at least there's potential. Slowly but surely, we're still getting out and exploring our new neighborhood, with mostly positive results.

My main gripe at the moment is that there were shirtless guys running everywhere on my walk to the restaurant. I mean, everywhere. It was like some sort of bizarro Animal Planet commercial, with herds of buff, hairless twenty-somethings in gym shorts stampeding through the cement savannah. In small groups of twos, threes and fours, and even better, virtually no women cluttering up the scenery with their sports bras, high pony-tails, and grey spandex shorts. Every time I turned my head there was someone else to ogle, almost too much to keep up with. It was fantastic.

Which made life so much harder after lunch while walking back to the new apartment. The only guy I saw was a fully clothed old black man riding a bicycle incredibly slowly up the hill, so slowly I'm surprised he was able to stay vertical.

On a somewhat-related note, whatever happened to chest hair? I know I can't trust everything thing I read on the internet, but according to wikipedia only 6 percent of white men have naturally smooth chests, and everyone else should have some sort of growth. I'm not saying I wish for a nation of Burt Reynolds and Robin Williams, but come on.

Timeline

2009-08-24T09:18:00.004-05:00

9:30 AM Monday morning the boyfriend and I pick up the keys to our new apartment.

Tuesday at 6 PM we rent a U-Haul and spend most of the evening piling up the desk, bookshelves, bed, couch, etc.

Wednesday at 7 we strap the dining room table to the roof of his car and pile the chairs in the backseat.

Friday at 3 PM his parents come into town for the weekend.

Oi.

Gratuitousness

2009-08-20T10:11:00.000-05:00

For no real reason other than it's crappy out and I'm sick of unpacking boxes.

Diana Scheunemann, photographer.

First post from the new apartment

2009-08-19T18:21:00.005-05:00

The place has its ups and downs, and not quite the same as we remembered viewing it the first time, but not in an overt way, and is certainly livable.

Probably the biggest up slash down side is that the boyfriend and I live at an intersection where two out of the four corners have fast food restaurants, with two additional greasy food joints within a block radius.

"Hey, do you know which box has the coffee filters in it? Eh, fuck it. Let's just grab breakfast at Burger King."

Fortunately, it's hip to be round, and pretty soon I'm going to be the hippest I've ever been.

Submitted Without Comment

2009-08-11T17:22:00.002-05:00

Mostly because I have no words.

I have no idea if this counts as 'safe for work.' I suppose if you work at the kind of place where they don't mind you checking blogs and watching youtube videos, you're probably in the clear.

Happy Birthday Hip-Hop!

2009-08-11T08:01:00.002-05:00

Depending on who you believe and whether you think cultural movements can have a specific starting point, today is hip hop's 36th birthday! (I only know this thanks to PBS.)

And so in honor, I've made a mix cd filled with a broad spectrum of rap and hiphop, heavy on the idiosyncratic stylings and light on the bling, and certainly by no means complete or canonical. Available via sendspace.

Are You Down With It?

Big Bizang by MC Hawking
ABCs by Knaan (featuring Chubb Rock)
Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa by Esau Mwamway & Radioclit
Are You Down With It by Handsome Boy Modeling School
My Favorite Things by Andre 3000
Call the Law by Outkast (featuring Janelle Monae)
Roxanne's Revenge by Roxanne Shante
Way Down in the Hole by Blaqstarr (featuring M.I.A.)
99 Anthems by Jaydiohead
Car Thief by the Beastie Boys
Sisters O Sisters by Yoko Ono (featuring Le Tigre)
Everything Is Everything by Lauryn Hill
Crabbuckit by k-os
19-2000 by the Gorillaz
Cobrastyle by Robyn
Genius of Love by Tom Tom Club
Reckoner Lockdown by DJ Earworm
88 Lines About 44 Women by the Nails
(These Are) The Good Old Days by Socalled

Follow the link and follow the instructions, eventually unzipping the file. Leave a comment if in the future you'd prefer smaller mixes with the songs available a la carte, or if you prefer these full length, ready to burn onto cd mixes.

Quarter-Life Crisis, Take One

2009-08-10T15:50:00.003-05:00

I spent the day packing up the boyfriend's car with all of my stuff and bringing it over to his place to store until this weekend, when we can start moving into the new apartment.

And then I realized I could fit my entire life in just two trips in his car. I probably could have done it in one, had he done a better job of cleaning out the trunk and if I had played a few games of Tetris this morning to get in the right mindset.

I know material goods aren't everything, but I still don't feel like I have much to show for the last 25 years. I think I'm a bad American.

2MORROW IZ MAH BIRFDAI

2009-08-05T10:02:00.004-05:00

You can tell you're getting older when your birthday wishes are all responsible and boring. My parents are getting me a dining room table and chairs, and I think my sister is getting me a vacuum, and instead of looking forward to a big lunch with family or dinner and drinks with friends I'm more excited for tomorrow afternoon when the parents take me to Target to load up on cleaning supplies for when I move out next week.

But still, it looks like my birthday has come a day early this year, with my discovery of the LOLCat Bible.

It's Official

2009-08-04T16:37:00.002-05:00

The lease has been signed and the boyfriend and I will be moving in together in about 12 days.

We're both the kind of people to procrastinate, and it worked out in our favor this time since the apartment building slashed the prices in an incentive to fill the building.

It's a one-bedroom apartment, on the bike-path, pet friendly with laundry included and a brand new kitchen with all new appliances.

In some ways I'm totally fine with it, and in other ways, I'm completely freaking out on the inside.

Eep.

Reading in the Tub

2009-07-30T18:02:00.006-05:00

(NSFWish)

I don't really "do" facebook. I have an account, but I haven't logged into it in months, and haven't updated the photos or information since my sophomore year of college. Maybe my junior year. But still.

The account still exists mostly because my roommate from two years ago wanted to keep track of her ex-boyfriend surreptitiously, and I never used the account anyway. As far as I can tell, it's mostly a hub of quotes that were considered funny while intoxicated, images found elsewhere on the web, and twitter-esque obsessions with letting everyone know what's going on this. very. second.

I suppose I can see the appeal of finding out an ex-boyfriend has gotten fat, or the guy who made fun of you in high school now works for a local heating/air conditioning supply store. But that's a lot of effort to find out gossip about people you don't really care about anymore.

All over the literary blogs in my RSS feed for the past day or two has been the facebook group People for a Library-Based Ben & Jerry's Flavor, with various suggestions like Gooey Decimal System, Cookie Bookie, and Reference Ripple.

And I didn't really care too much until I realized something--I like ice cream and I like libraries and I bet I can use this facebook group as an awkward segue for my habit of posting naked pictures of attractive men using books I've recently read and enjoyed to cover up the good parts.

Pinball Theory of the Apocalypse by Jonathan Selwood

The Martian Child by David Gerrold

The Lost City of Z by David Grann

Faggots by Larry Kramer

If Minds Had Toes by Lucy Eyre

An Equal Music by Vikram Seth

On a related note, I used to read in the tub all of the time. Growing up, we didn't have a shower, only a bathtub--my childhood home is over 100 years old, and the way the bathroom was situated, to stand up in the bathtub would have required knocking out the wall, expanding the roof, and all types of financial difficulties. And so we always took baths.

Since I was never a dirty kid, I would use that time to read in the tub. It was fantastic, and I'm kind of disappointed that my last few apartments have only had standing showers and I'm unable to take bubble baths and read after a long day's work. Alas.

The Food Wasn't That Good Either

2009-07-27T22:39:00.003-05:00

There are few things scarier in life than meeting friends for dinner and while walking to the table spotting a magician at the table next to yours. Top hat and wand included.

It was more suspenseful than a horror film. Thank god he didn't stop by our table.

Goat Cheese Goodness

2009-07-23T16:13:00.003-05:00

Tagging along with a local chapter of some slow-food movement, last weekend the boyfriend and I went on a tour of a local goat cheese farm run by two old lesbians. But that’s not my story. My story happens at the potluck lunch the group held at a park afterward.

Well, I guess my story begins at the park, before the tour, where we checked in and got updated directions to bypass the construction. It was a bunch of middle-to-older-aged couples for the most part, with a few small children tagging along.

I ran to the bathroom in the park pavilion before we left, since I knew that it was a cheese factory run out of a garage and wouldn’t be set up with public restrooms. There was already one of the middle-aged men in there with the same idea as I had, and he was gregarious.

I don’t get small talk between strangers in public urinals. If it was a gay bar and he was cute, sure, but this was a public park with a large playground, and he didn’t seem to be a Republican politician. (Aw snap!)

I responded to his questions--Did I have a ride? Have I been on any other tours? What did I think of goat cheese?—with noncommittal one word answers. There was a divider, thankfully. He finished slightly before I did, and dawdled at the sink waiting for me. His hands were super dry by the time he finished and held the door open for me on the way out.

We were set up in a different tour group, so I didn’t really see him while we were at the farm. Occasionally I thought I saw him checking me out from across the hill, or on the other side of the barn, but I didn’t really pay it any mind.

I mean, he was of average cuteness and older than I would go for, probably mid-to-late thirties, certainly passable for HWP, short sleeve button up dark blue shirt, ill-fitting khakis, short brown hair with the beginnings of a bald spot at the crown of his head. He was nothing special, not worth a second look if I was walking down the street and saw him. But I’m a Leo, and I like being checked out, and it sort of improved my mood. At most it was the occasional furtive glance, easily chalked up to my imagination.

It was a great tour, and the boyfriend was busy the entire time with his camera affixed to his eye, taking photos of everything: the goats, the barn they built when they bought the land, the buckets the ladies used to carry the milk down the hill to the garage they had refurbished for cheese production, the overexcited dog who enjoyed herding the dogs a lot more that she should have. The whole trip was adorable; the only downside was judging by their use of pronouns when recounting the history of how they got into the goat cheese business, they haven’t been a couple for the past five years, but continue to make cheese together.

And the cheese. Oh, what glorious chevre. So creamy and soft and spreadable and addictive.

Afterward, we were one of the first ones back to the park (the boyfriend is a speed demon behind the wheel) and while he was busy setting up the kale salad and roasted red pepper dip we brought, I made my way back to the restroom, only lo and behold to find my secret admirer at the other urinal.

I walked up to do my business, and he glanced over, made eye contact, smiled, and went back to staring at the wall above the flush handle. No conversation this time, but he seemed antsy, and it sounded like he was tapping his foot. He was breathing loudly and heavily.

I finished up, zipped up, and flushed, and as I headed to the sink, out of nowhere he said “W--wait.”

I turned and noticed his right arm moving rapidly, eyes clenched shut, mouth half agape. His breathing stopped and a few seconds later he exhaled in one huge sigh, shuddering. He turned and looked me dead in the eyes and said “Thanks” with a sheepish smile.

Well well my my. That was certainly a first.

I made a face, eyebrows raised, eyes swerving side to side, forced smile, and got out of there lickety-split. He walked out of the restrooms about a minute later and walked directly to a car, against which was a younger, mousy-looking woman leaning against the hood, and she was either was carrying weight awkwardly or had a small baby bump. They got in the car and drove away.

Here Piggy Piggy Piggy

2009-07-22T23:47:00.003-05:00

I know this picture is going to be cluttering your RSS feeds for most of tomorrow, but it still hilariously worthwhile. It's arguably NSFWish, so I'm just posting a link. I don't think it is, but I could see how some would consider it so.

What happens in the lilypad, stays in the lilypad.

Growing Up

2009-07-18T18:42:00.001-05:00

My parents have been hounding me for ideas for gifts since my birthday is in about two weeks, but I don't really have a whole lot of ideas. There are a couple DVDs on the list and a new shower CD/radio, but really, the bulk of my list is boring, practical, hard to ship things, like a dining room table, dresser and kitchen island.

The boyfriend broke down and bought an iPhone this afternoon, and while we were in the Mac store flirting with the geek we found out just how convenient it would be to add an additional phone to his new plan. And since the boyfriend is searching for a gift for me too, he suggested that we call and see if he could split the cost of a second iPhone.

And so I called, and untactfully brought up my birthday wishlist. And then I had to explain to her what an iPhone is, because she had never heard of it. She asked my Dad if he knew what it was, and he had never heard of an iPhone either. They are going to look into it, but I'm not exactly keeping my fingers crossed.

But my god. They're so old.

Happy Belated Bastille Day!

2009-07-16T15:27:00.000-05:00

The Prophecy

2009-07-13T10:54:00.002-05:00

(Arguably not safe for work-ish, but since it's art I'd say there's some leeway.)

I'm surprised I hadn't seen this before; it seems like something that would be all over the gay blogs for a few days, slowly but surely being posted by everyone in my RSS feed. I must have missed it, since I'm usually not out of the loop on these sorts of high-concept/cute guy works of art; those who have checked out my many rotating mastheads could have probably guessed that.

Beautiful Mag commissioned this piece of digital photographic art by Aymeric Giraudel as a modern-day fresco about a year and a half ago.

The picture embiggens well, and if you follow the links you can download even larger hi-res pics, if you're into that sort of thing.

This video has a horrible Madonna song as accompaniment, but if you turn off the sound there's some great close-ups.

Six Songs for Summertime

2009-07-10T12:34:00.001-05:00

Time for another mini-music-mix since I'm going to be spending the entire weekend working, and I need something to keep me occupied.

As always, right click and save as, play nice with the bandwidth, and go out and buy the cd or go see a show if you like what you hear.

I'm Sorry Now by Jude [mp3]
Fitz & Dizzyspells by Andrew Bird [mp3]
North Adams by Gabriel Kahane [mp3]
Demons by Joel Plaskett [mp3]
Hotcha Girls by Ugly Cassanova [mp3]
Ancient Commonsense of Things by Bishop Allen [mp3]

Dueling Muses

2009-07-09T14:43:00.001-05:00

He touristed around the grounds, digital camera permanently affixed
to his right eye, except when he placed it on a ledge to set the timer.

He asked me to wait, to get out of the shade, no, maybe a few feet to the left,
a little more, he wants the sign in the background, smile, put down the bag,
wait for the car to pass, no, smile for real, he’s almost ready just a sec,
take off your sunglasses and then he bounds to my side just as the flash hits.

Without this picture, he can’t prove that we went to City Park
for a picnic on the first Tuesday in July.
Otherwise, it wouldn’t count. It would have just been a waste of time.

As we get into his car, I threaten to write a poem
about how annoying it is to pose for photographic evidence of our dates.
We debate the irony all the way back to his place.

I Do Like Orange Soda

2009-07-07T07:52:00.001-05:00

(via Vintage Ads)

Housekeeping

2009-07-06T12:00:00.004-05:00

Messing around with the template today, since last night I took a look at my site in Internet Explorer and was disappointed in how it looked.

I suppose if you're still using Internet Explorer you get what you deserve, but still.

Technically the blog hasn't yet upgraded to the major blogger upgrade from like, two years ago. I guess today's the day. Please disregard anything that looks crappy this afternoon, and trust that I'll fix it as soon as possible.

EDIT:: I spent two hours playing with blogger layouts and the "new" XML based designs, decided I hated how inflexible they are, gave up and reverted back to my original design, IE users be damned.

A Patriotic Song

2009-07-04T10:33:00.002-05:00

("A Patriotic Finale" from Howard Crabtree's When Pigs Fly)

"Philip Roth featured on 'booty-shaking' dance track"

2009-07-02T11:53:00.001-05:00

(NSFWish)

The title of that article scared me but it was intriguing enough to make me click through. It sounds like a terrible, terrible idea.

It's being billed as the "the ringtone of choice among hip literary types this summer," which I don't buy for a second.

I listened to the track, and I was able to dismiss it with a wave of the hand, like a drag queen brushing aside an uppity amateur on Halloween. I mean, it's bad. And unnecessary.

The only good part is that the publisher is quoted as always being on alert for booty-shaking literary artifacts.

Which, of course, is a great segue way to my semi-regular series of photoshopping books I've recently read over the dirty parts of men I'd like to sleep with.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

A Drifting Life by Yoshihiro Tatsumi

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimo

Secret Speech by Tom Rob Smith

Q & A by Vikas Swarup

A Short History of Ukrainian Tractors by Marina Lewycha

Persepolis 2.0

2009-06-29T11:29:00.005-05:00

SpreadPersepolis.com

Bonus MP3 Download in Post

2009-06-29T10:50:00.003-05:00

I may hate my boyfriend's roommate for many reasons, but she does have her moments. She works for the local Red Cross, and occasionally brings home leftover swag. And so magically we got four free daypasses to a local water park.

(Her generosity is slightly dampened by the fact that she got the tickets a few weeks ago, and after checking out their website found out that since the weight limit for most rides was 400 lbs she would end up spending most of the day sitting on the sidelines watching people's towels, and only then offered the passes to us. But still: free is free.)

At first we were all excited to get out of town and cool off for a day, and only when we pulled into the parking lot did we realize why water parks are overrated.

1. Twenty minutes waiting in line for a waterslide that lasts about ninety seconds.

2. Roving bands of pushy unsupervised small children.

3. Taking off our shirts (mp3) in public.

Fortunately we live in one of the fatter states in the country, and so the boyfriend and I were in the top twenty percent of the cuter/in-shape/hairy-in-appropriate-places guys at the park.

It helps that there were a lot of grossly overweight kids with their overweight hairy-back fathers, which skewed things in our favor. But still, it's nice not to feel fat. And to cool off every once in a while.

The King (of Pop) Is Dead

2009-06-25T17:47:00.005-05:00

It's a shame my friends and I grew up thinking of Michael Jackson only as a laughingstock. I still remember the first time I saw the video to "Black and White" and at seven years old I remember thinking what a weirdo he was, even though I kinda liked the song. It was almost 15 years later before I was able to fully recognize just how great he was.

I think the biggest generational divide is between people who grew up thinking Michael Jackson was the greatest since Elvis, if not ever, and those who think of him as an albino pedophile who is the butt of every joke.

If only we knew him when.

But Is It Art?

2009-06-23T06:58:00.000-05:00

As you've probably guessed from the watermarks, all of these delightful pics are from fantasticsmag.

Kitties and Cute Guys

2009-06-22T14:09:00.002-05:00

I've said it before, I'll say it now, and I'll probably say it again in the future. The majority of the internet is comprised of two things: pornography and cute pictures of small animals. And far be it for me not to help contribute.

So here's a neat article about the Cute Cat Theory of Internet Censorship as well as Self Portraits of Heterosexual Men by Gabriel Martinez.

Rambling Story about Sunday

2009-06-22T13:19:00.005-05:00

It was like something out of a nerd version of Gossip Girls. Or now that I think about it, I think there was an episode of Veronica Mars like that, where the parent of the runnerup to Valedictorian paid a con man to harass the honor roll kids the week of final exams, playing ding-dong-ditch at all hours of the night, calling their cell phones early every morning, cutting the power, etc to ensure that her child got the scholarship. But while I was an honor student I wasn't close to being valedictorian. Homecoming queen, yes, but not valedictorian.

I'm digressing.

Sunday morning I got drunk-dialed by a wrong number at 3 AM, and then a wrong number at 6 AM, another one at 7:30, and yet a third at 8. A different number asking for a different person each time; it smelled like a conspiracy. Eventually, I just bit the bullet, turned on the tv, got out of bed, and cursed myself for being out of coffee.

So why didn't I just turn off my phone? Because the boyfriend was driving back from Michigan, and planned on leaving early in the morning to try and miss the worst of Chicago traffic, with the hope of stopping off at the IKEA to pick up some stuff for our apartment when we move in together in about six weeks.

He attended a wedding at home this weekend, and there's a little bit of a backstory as to why I didn't tag along. Long story short, the boyfriend's roommate was accidentally committing a federal offense by hording the mail in her room. Occasionally she would just drop off some spam and such on the dining room table, and he pays his bills online so it's not like he thought he was missing anything. But she walked (or rather, waddled) out of her room on Tuesday evening and plopped down a big pile of mail on the kitchen table and apologized for accidentally keeping some of the mail in her room.

A lot of it was junk, old church bulletins and offers to change his long distance plan, but there were a few important things in that pile. Like a Christmas check from his grandma. Letters detailing problems with his car registration renewal. And an invitation to a wedding that was in four days.

It was too late for me to ask off of work, and after a few calls to friends and the bride, he was able to squeeze in to the ceremony and reception since a friend's "plus one" couldn't make it. And so I had a weekend of bachelordom, which I spent working and watching the "West Wing".

He left late Friday night and planned on coming back Sunday as soon as possible, and so I didn't want to turn off my phone in case he was in an accident, or if he found something fantastic at the IKEA.

Finally, after watching a couple cooking shows on PBS, the boyfriend finally calls to give me an estimated time of arrival, which wouldn't be til late afternoon. And man oh man, the things he wanted to do to me after a weekend apart. Or rather, the things he wanted me to do to him. Cat sounds!

Brilliant mastermind that I am, I realized that I would have to take a nap to be at the top of my game later that evening. And the most consistent way to make me take a nap is a food coma caused by Indian buffet. Oh, deliciousness that is Chicken Tikka Masala, and then a food coma comparable to Thanksgiving, only I didn't have to mess with nosy relatives.

There's nothing better than that. Especially when you have a horny boyfriend on his way home.

And that's my rambling story about Sunday. Oh, and later that evening we watched Top Chef Masters, which made us mostly want to watch the new season of the original. The end.

Mouse that Roared

2009-06-16T09:29:00.001-05:00

I know it's only 9:30 in the morning, but I'm pretty sure that this is going to be the best thing I'm going to see all day. (via Andrew Sullivan)

Two Short Thoughts About Last Weekend

2009-06-15T11:38:00.005-05:00

1. Last night, the boyfriend and I were up at 11:45 PM with a case of cabin fever, and we decided to hit the new 24-hour Wal-Mart that opened a few months ago. Neither of us had been there yet, since we're both good Wal-Mart hating liberals, but there's not a whole lot to do that late on a Sunday, and he needed kitty litter.

We decided to turn it into a game, and bet on how many young children (under the age of 5 or so) would be up way past their bedtime running around Wal-Mart with their (bad) parents. Initials guessed 4, and I guessed 10.

We counted 12 kids at Wal-Mart at midnight. Despite the joy of winning the bet, it was still depressing.

2. All weekend I've been fascinated by the attempted Iranian coup d'état, and how all this new-fangled technology has revolutionized the way I get information.

IRAN: A Nation Of Bloggers from ayrakus on Vimeo.

I'm impressed by all of the grassroots activism by students, young people, and bloggers as they fight for their freedoms, and I feel slightly ashamed because if I were in their position, I would want to go out and fight but I would probably be too chickenshit. I hope I wouldn't be, and I hope I never have to find out, but my track record for political activism could (and should) be better.

As a side note, all of the coverage and updates has given me a newfound respect for twitter, and I am this close to considering starting one for myself.

Top Chef Innuendo

2009-06-13T00:38:00.000-05:00

Procrastination!

2009-06-12T01:20:00.000-05:00

I'm not really working under any deadlines, except that I haven't posted in what seems like forever. And that's just rude. It's still a neat vid, and a great one to waste time on a Friday.