You must pay all fees before registering for classes.
Also, please mark your calendars for the all-school retreat, where students will become aquainted with faculty, other students, nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol (and cccocaine). Our hope for this first retreat is to initiate students with these tenets of rock and to prevent any Whitney Houston look-a-likes.
From rock to RAWK! studies the importance of being earnest in one's lyrics but emphasizes the need for grammatical inaccuracies to maintain indie cred.
How to Make Your Milkshake Bring the Boys to the Yard lets students cultivate and nurture their milkshakes until it is better than yours. And, with the help of the Fox Academy of Rocking Out, damn right it'll be better than yours. (In order to teach this class, we may have to charge.)
Lady Macbeth Complex. Sometimes the arm candy is worth more trouble that she is worth. This class explores the unholy power given to rock star's girlfriends, with an emphasis on Nancy, Yoko, and Courtney.
Go Rimbaud will trace the influence of the French boy poet on the lyrical and philosophical overtones of the CBGBs crowd. (Students will have to supply their own creepy old married man.)
Introduction to Shoegazing. Once thought to be a dead art, shoegazing is slowly experiencing a comeback in certain indie circles. This class will allow students to create their own feedback-laden soundscapes while standing motionless on the stage. (Students will have to supply their own flannel.)
Political Rock, or, How to Rock Out and Influence People. Students will learn how to be political without totally alienating their Southern base.
(How to Use a Ridiculous Amount of) Parentheses in Song Titles (Without Going Overboard). (Class pending as the cost of parentheses is highly unstable in today’s market.)
Ring My Cowbell. True fact: Every song can become 32% more kickass when cowbell is added to the mix. Students will add cowbell to the entire Billboard Top 100 in an effort to de-suckify contemporary popular music.
Jesus Plays Tambourine will allow students to foster and nurture their growing hatred for their sworn moral enemies: Christian "rock" bands.
Svengali 101 will allow the faculty to abuse the students in any demeaning way possible to alleviate stress and waste an afternoon. Parental consent required for this course.
Baby. This class explores the social and cultural ramifications of the superfluous amount of the word "Baby" in rock music. Prerequisite: last semester’s Da, Yeah, a look at the fall of the Soviet Union as instigated by the amount of informal agreement in rock music.
Self-Mutilation 101. No, the students will not be left in the computer lab with the access codes to bypass the school filters (Shift+F7, but you didn't learn it here) and a hankering for fleshbot. Rather, students will roll around on broken glass, etch sexual epithets into their stomachs, and pierce themselves where no one has ever been pierced before to hone their masochistic showmanship.
How to Rip Off the Clash In 3 Easy Steps. The Clash are the only band that matters. Students will learn how to plagiarize their music, attitude, and style to create their own punk rock band.
Lead Singer Syndrome teaches students how to be the primus inter parus. Students will learn how to usurp the spotlight, how to get the best lighting in photo ops, how to dominate the interviews, and how to attract movie star girlfriends who make good tabloid fodder.
Rock Banter 101 gives students the opportunity to learn proper inter-band banter--how to signal to the drummer it's time for his solo, how to kick off the killer guitar solo, and motion to the band that you haven't fainted, but are merely badly imitating James Brown.
Rock Banter 201 allows students to warm up and introduce themselves to the maddening crowd, evolving beyond "Hello Cleveland--Are you ready to Rock?"
A Brief Biography of the Headmister of the Institute of Hardcore Studies.
Legend has it that the Infamous Bobby S grew up in a small town somewhere in the Midwest, but details about his past are hard to come by, as he has spent years leading interviewers on a wild goose chase through his childhood, and it is hard to separate the fallacies and the facts. He currently resides in Wisconsin, as there is a constant source of idiocy against which he can rebel. Bobby S' hobbies include rocking out, imitating Elizabeth Peyton paintings, shimmying until the break of dawn, fawning over dead poets, and being elitist. He is currently the Headmister of the Fox Institute of Hardxcore Studies.
