August 13, 2004

Contest time!

There's a meme going around livejournal. You write down a sentence or two, anonymously describing everyone on your buddy list. Then, people leave guesses as to which anonymous comment they are. Here are what people are saying about me.

You say exactly what you're thinking, which is usually awesome even though sometimes it gets me worked up a little (which is good for me). I wish I could be as open about stuff as you are. And no matter how hard you try and hide it, you do write good poetry.

If I were a man, I'd poke you with my dick on a regular basis. I mean that in the fondest way possible, because that's what you deserve. Someday the world is going to wake up and realize that it actually is your bitch. I hope I'm around when that happens.

If I was ever going to make a shopping krew, I would want you on it. You’re the first male ever that I brought into Victoria’s Secret and didn’t complain. You’re really fun to shop and hang out with, but I think if I had to listen to the music in your car for too long I would go batshit insane. I hope you have a better year in college this year.

You need to get laid. You also need to write shitloads of poems about me.

Very few people can be good-natured elitists. You manage to pull it off nicely.

Of course I'll remember you. You have bright red jeans and listen to David Bowie. How could I ever forget you?

There is something to be learned here. I'm not sure what. Maybe I should stick this in when I update my biography next time.

I'm sorry guys, but I'm too lazy to write a sentence or two anonymously describing everyone in the sidebar. That'd get boring. Sixty-some sentences? What do I look like, some sort of punk kid with lots of free time and a penchant for Dostoevsky?

I will say, however, that I have developed crushes, at one time or another, on twelve bloggers in the sidebar, most of whom solely on the strength of their words. I've been reading blogs for a little over three years now, so I've had the time to develop and nurture these crushes. I don't think I would recognize any on the street if they walked past, and only one of them lives within a three-state radius. None of them are old enough to be my dad (I think) but less than half are within an acceptable dating radius (i.e. less than 25). But I still get/got a tingly feeling whenever they'd update.

You'll have to guess for which bloggers I had/have the hots. Everyone on the list (except one) has commented at least once, reads one of my blogs, or has added me to their own sidebar list, so chances are it's someone who's reading this right now. Possibly even you!

EDIT: (Responding to the comments)

Note: I'm sure that a few of you are in your mid-to-late thirties, and even though I technically could have been sired at age 15, I'm not into white trash. We're talking about forty-five here for the cutoff.

No, Kevin, it would not explain the erotic photos of me in your inbox. It would, however, explain the erotic photos of you in my dreams. You made the cut.

Sorry K. I promise though, that if lightning strikes me and I become a lesbian, I'll have a wet dream about you. Except I don't think ladies have wet dreams. Oh well. I'd try.

Sorry Frank. I guess you're not the 'crushable' type. You'll just have to settle at having a lot of sex. I sure that could get old after a while, but you're still having sex so don't complain.

Of *course* you're on the list, Faustus. Even though you're one of my blogparents and I'm not into incest, I'd still totally go to third base, if not all the way, with you.

I'll give the full list on Wednesday, or continue updating this post as guesses arrive.
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.