I made myself a t-shirt that says "I break into heterosexual houses so I can masturbate in their heterosexual kitchens."

If that kind of dialogue just rocks your socks, well, you're in luck. The guy who does A Softer World, my favorite online comic strip sort of thing, has come out with a book that I'm sure its as genius as all git out.

It's called Lockpick Pornography, and you can read some of the chapters online. Yeah, there's some socio-political critique going on, but there's also hilarious lines like the title.

I write this for three reasons.

1. The creative well is dry, unlike this heat, which is humid.
2. My birthday is coming up.
3. If you wrote a brilliant online comic I'd totally shill for you too.

"You've heard that stupid controversy that Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street are gay? What if we got ourselves some masks, and became Bert and Ernie? What if we took the ridiculous idea that characters on a children's show are gay, that they are a threat to "traditional family values", and we made it come true?"

"You mean, like, put on the Bert and Ernie mask and fuck somewhere in public?" he says and I shake my head.

"No, I mean put on our Bert and Ernie masks and videotape ourselves breaking into people's homes and leaving pro-gay children's books in their kid's bookshelves.

C'mon. You've got to admit, that's awesome.