September 16, 2005

I'm not a playa I just crush a lot.

(Not me, by the way. Just something I found doing a google image search for 'player.' I do have a pair of glasses like that, though.)

I feel like such a player. At least for me.

See, the other day, when I was feeling down and poopy about the whole Billy situation, I went back online and made a sorta-kinda date for tonight.

It's with a guy I actually did a coffee-sorta date with last year, and we had a good time, but I met Heart a few days later, and one of his friends got put in jail which sort of put him through a loop, so nothing became of it.

I saw him at the big gay dance on-campus the other week, and he IMed me, saying Hi, asking about my summer and all that.

I say sorta-kinda date because I was totally upfront about my situation (which is actually going better, by the way), and he's in a stupid situation as well. See, he broke up with his last boyfriend because he was going to transfer to a different school and didn't want to do a long-distance sort of thing. The transfer fell through, and so now there's this weird 'are they dating or are they not?' thing.

So, in a burst of self-confidence, I suggested that we hang out this weekend and complain about how much boys suck. I still haven't done a good venting, in person, about Heart.

It wasn't going to be a date, because we're both in situations that are up in the air, but he then mentioned that if things go well, he might be tempted to make out with me, because I'm so cute and stuff. (Awww, I know. That's why I think he was tipsy.)

And so we're hanging out tomorrow afternoon. It's not a date, and I'll definitely politely decline to make out with him afterwards (any and all drama with Billy seems to have disappeared when we had watermelon martinis, watched some breakdancers at the union, and then made out for a bit back at my place).

And I didn't tell Billy. He'll be at work at the time, and even though we kissed a bit last night nothing was said specifically about whether we're dating or taking it slow or whatever.

I still feel like a player though. Usually there's like, months and months of celibacy and alone time inbetween boys, but now it looks like I might have two at the same time.

Heh. Two at the same time. I could like, double the number I've slept with in one shot.

Anyways, I feel really weird about the non-sorta-kinda date thing, but I think I'm gonna do it anyway. Unless, of course, enough people leave comments or IM me and convince me to put it off.
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.