February 6, 2006

Homo Schooled

If I've said it once, I've said it for the past three semesters, but this time, I'm pretty sure I mean it.

I have the gayest schedule possible.

To begin with, my schedule is tres sexy. No classes on Wednesdays or Fridays. (Tuesday nights are chicken nights at the local gay club, and since this is the number once party school in the universe, Thirsty Thursdays are more mandatory than you might think.) No classes before eleven. No classes that meet after 3:30. Not only that, I have less papers I need to write this year. More reading, but very few papers, and even fewer tests. It's a pretty awesome schedule; and I rub it into everyone's face. As Martha Stewart says, it's a good thing.

ENGLISH 302: Creative Writing. Poetry. Almost three times as many boys as girls in the class. 'Nuff said.

COM LIT 372: Shakespeare and the Invention of Modernity. Shakespeare was a total 'mo. Plus, all we do is read plays. The professor is gay, limp-wristed and everything.

ENGLISH 630: Race and Sexuality in 20th C American Literature. Mostly about transsexuals and whiny black lesbians in the south, but it's still pretty gay.

HISTORY 475: Topics in GLBT History: Sexuality and Identity in PostStonewall Society. Again, a lot about transsexuals and whiny lesbians, but still pretty gay.

CLASSICS 554: Classical Backgrounds to English Literature. We read translations of greek man/boy love, and then read poems with allude to the hot perversion.

I'm already designing my business cards for when I gradutate. So far, I think "Professional Homosexualist" has a nice ring to it, printed in a flowery font on hot-pink paper. I may or may not have them scented.
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.