1. Yes, please do set me up on a blind date with all of your gay friends and/or acquantances, regardless of age, interests, or physical attraction, and pay no mind when I say that I already have a boyfriend. I'm sure he won't mind.
2. Yes Roommate, please feel free to get back together with your asshole of an ex-boyfriend a week before we have to move out, leaving me with all of the cleaning and closing of the lease. Why don't you go with him to Israel while you're at it, so I can't contact you in case I find things of yours, or if there's difficulties in closing out the cable subscription which is in your name?
3. Oh, and cable and internet companies, it's totally cool for you guys to charge me upfront for the services I will be incurring while I'm living at my new place. I'd much rather pay the $175 upfront for the next six month cycle instead of paying something reasonable each month like most people. It's totally cool.
4. No, it's totally ok, new landlord, for you to take down the blinds in my apartment "for cleaning purposes" when I'm moving in to my garden-level studio. I'd love to take an old bedsheet and duct tape it to give me some privacy, and plus it will make the place look so spiffy!
5. Yes, Initials, because we haven't had sex in four days because of logistical reasons involving the move and illness, it is totally acceptable for you to get high and cry about it. I bet if you try it again, you'll totally give me a hardon that will last for days!
