Dear Nobel Prize Committee,
I have read approximately four pages of Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio, the new Nobel Laureate in Literature, and can say with all of my heart that those four pages was four pages too much. Again, you fail. I must say that this comes as no surprise, given as how I rarely agree with your choices for the "most outstanding work of an idealistic tendency." In fact, most literary critics fail to agree with your choice, after a day or two of praise sloppily written to explain the winner to the American audience, who as a whole don't care. Please step it up next year and pick someone who's, you know, readable.
Love,
Bob
