In the past, my new year's resolutions have been filled with brash, arrogant sayings like "I don't need to change anything about myself, I'm perfect as I am" and "Only ugly people need resolutions." I was the Big Man on Campus in high school; sure, it was a charter school for the arts, but that doesn't change the fact that I was a popular, cocky teenager who got away with murder. It was awesome.
Now, about six years later, all of my resolutions are old people resolutions, generic platitudes like "get in shape" and "get a better job" and "spend more quality time with the boyfriend" and "get better at paying off college loans" and all-in-all becoming a real adult, like Pinocchio wishing to become a real boy.
My bravura is gone, and that's just unacceptable.
And so to hell with working out more and paying off debt. I'm going to eat bacon with every meal, max out my credit card at the mall, watch more tv, hell, maybe even take a lover (I haven't decided yet).
I'm going to try my hardest to be an asshole, an enfant terrible, a cocky young upstart who knows everything and compares himself to characters from minor Dostoevsky novels. I'm going to be an elitist snob, making fun of other people's poetry and deriding those who don't like my own. I'm going to use big words and not be entirely sure how to pronounce them, make fun of people behind their backs while maintaining a 'holier and hipper than thou' attitude, insert 70's alt-pop culture references into everything and invent quirks so people will be impressed.
I'm guessing being a snotty young punk is like riding a bicycle, and that it will all come back to me with ease. And fuck everyone who has a problem with it.
