March 9, 2009


I think telling my mom yesterday makes it official: my boyfriend and I will be moving in together in August when both of our leases expire. Initials and I haven't started looking at apartments yet, but we've talked about the areas we'd like to move to, our price range, and the type of place we want (two bedroom on the far side of the isthmus, preferably in a refurbished house).

In many ways, we've entered the moving in together mindset, if such a thing exists. We've looked at the various unhelpful soft news websites and I think we're ahead of the curve.

Initials and I have already postponed some of our purchases for a few more months; his shower curtain is looking raggedy, but it will last and we can use mine. My bookshelf is on its last legs, but I'll just wait since Initials' will probably be enough for the both of us. We've got a list started on the things we'll need to buy, like dish towels, a tv stand, and a wine-rack. We know which things we're getting rid of (my bed, his lamps, his coffee table, my closet organizer thing).

We've talked about getting a new cat in the new apartment. We've talked about how to divide the chores. We've talked about basic living together rules, like how there needs to be a designated shelf for mail so we don't have a sea of adverts and credit card offers on the dining room table, how everything needs to be unpacked by October or it gets thrown out, how the pantry will not be stocked with 32 boxes of Hamburger Helper from the Dollar Store and the fridge will have less than 6 different kinds of ranch dressing at all times. (His roommate is a lazy fat lesbian bitch, and it's easy for us to identify things that we will not do.)

Plus it'll make life a lot easier, with less schlepping back and forth, and he'll save a lot of money on gas.

But it's a big step, a step that I would have gladly taken with previous boyfriends. But now that I'm older and know better, I realize that it would have been a disaster had we moved in together (with my ex Heart it certainly was). Is this a step I'm ready to take?

As much as we talk about it, and as much as we've talked about it, there's still a little voice in the back of my head that says, well, I guess it doesn't really say anything, but with that little voice there's an awkward pause, audible ellipsis dots, a biting of the tongue. Is this a step I'm willing to take?

If I think rationally, it definitely is. But thinking rationally is for chumps. I'm a ridiculous raw youth, goddamnit. I'm allowed to second guess myself and milk my insecurities, especially when I know in my head it's a good idea.

Besides, I think before cohabitation most people go through a sort of stage like this, and to quote the Cranberries, everybody else is doing it, so why can't I?
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.