November 2, 2009

Bitches Christmas

I wasn't planning on dressing up for Halloween. I'm not a big fan of holidays in general--all build up and the expectation of fun--but I was feeling out of it all week. But the boyfriend had his heart set on dressing up and going out, so I was going to be a fuddy-duddy and tag along, costume-less.

He originally was going to dress in drag with a mask covering the back of his head and be a post-modern Janus, god of beginnings, endings and transitions.

(Yeah, I thought it was lame too, but I couldn't talk him out of it. At the bar, he quickly gave up that idea and just went as "Svetlana, self-proclaimed queen of Russian dance-whores.")

And so, Saturday evening we had to make a last-minute trip to the Hot Topic at the mall for fishnet stockings for this costume.

And while we were there, I found a sexy Rainbow Brite costume, and I was like, hells yeah. I didn't even notice that it was 50% off until I got to the register.

It barely fit, with a plunging neckline that showed off my chest hair and a skirt that fell so short I couldn't wear boxers underneath. Add a blond wig, a red star painted on my cheek, and rainbow leg warmers, and I was the belle of the ball bar.

And even though I totally should have won the costume contest, the boyfriend and I did get a consolation prize.

Two, in fact.

Two phone numbers from two different bottoms who were into us. We sealed the deal with the cute, short red-head last night, and tomorrow night the 6' blonde Scandinavian is coming over to "hang out."

Maybe we should dress in drag more often.
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.