I am a terrible college student, made evident by this crappy little forward (found in the title link) that I received in my Inbox this afternoon... gee whiz Dad, you are such a riot. Allow me to explain:
I- Thou Shalt Nap- I don't nap. It takes me about 2 hours to fall asleep, I can't stop worrying about things. I think I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I haven't seen a doctor or anything, but seeing commercials and playing with WebMD have made up my mind. Fortunately I don't have class until 10, so I'm able to get in some sleep, but insomnia gets old.
II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time-I haven't been sick yet this year. Well, at least not physically. I did have a few manic episodes and had a few seizures, but they were just side-effects of the anti-depressants. (I've since stopped taking them because I was sick of the side effects, and everything seems to be fine.) I think I got food poisoning once from cafeteria food, but other than that, I've had a clean bill of health.
III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages-My away messages are song lyrics or quotes from poems. Sometimes they deal with my actual actions, like a quote from Faustus when I'm at class (lay that damned book aside/ and gaze not on it, lest it tempt thy soul/ and heap Gods heavy wrath upon thy head), or a Morrissey lyric when I'm asleep (last night i dreamt/ that somebody loved me/ no hope, no harm/ just another false alarm), but usually they're just witty sayings. I've never set an away message as stupid as the examples given, like "getting wet and wild....IN THE SHOWER!" I mean, ick.
IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie-I wore a hoodie occasionally in high school, but never as obsessively compulsive as the example. I now usually wear fitted t-shirts or dress shirts with jeans.
V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot-I defecate just fine, thank you for asking... which reminds me--apparently Gandhi didn't ask people how they were feeling, he asked "Have you had a good bowel movement this morning?" (9th paragraph). I've got nothing to say to that.
VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac-I've only eaten EasyMac once, inbetween matinees of "You Can't Take It With You," and haven't eaten any since. I usually eat hummus on tortillas or cheese Ritz Bits when I'm snacking, and I've had Ramen once or twice for a meal, but no EasyMac.
VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up-Just what kind of guy do you think I am? Unfortunately, I'm not that kind. It gets old, these Puritan morals of mine. I really want to, but I just can't--I bet it stems from the anxiety. It's been almost 5 months, and it's getting real old.
VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings-I've joined a few clubs, but some haven't had any meetings yet. I wish I were exaggerating. On Earth Day, there was an email sent out to the Green Club, Students Sierra, HOPE (Help our Planet Earth), Progressive, and a few other eco-clubs, angry because none of the groups had met more than twice (and for the Green Club, the second meeting was a kegger). I went to a few English club meetings in October, but I was the only person to show up. I was at the right place, since there was a sign on the door, no one else showed up. Even though it looks like they've started up again (and planning crappy t-shirts), I didn't attend. I tried going to the GSA on campus, but each time I went, the activity was the president reading a few news articles aloud to the group. One time we watched a crappy copy of a news story on gay marriage, and I don't have the patience to sit through crappy meetings. But I did make an effort, until Pride Week pissed me off.
IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused-I wake up fully aware of my surroundings. The air mattress helps with that. Plus I rarely drink, and never to excess, so I'm in control.
X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight-Actually, I lost weight. I lost 12 pounds the first two weeks of school. I didn't make any friends, and felt uncomfortable eating in the cafeteria alone. With the help of medicine, I've since regained my old weight and have gotten used to eating alone.
Wow that sounds pathetic.
Then again, I'm posting on a Friday night. It doesn't get much more pathetic than that.
