Your new album isn't bad, but damn your backing band sucks. It sounds like a bad eighties rock opera or something.
(In a terrible attempt to copy Vividblurry's devotion to Britney)
1. America Is Not The World America, you've bought that hamburger. Morrissey, you know where to shove that hamburger.
2. Irish Blood, English Heart Let me guess, you're still mad at the Queen. How quaint.
3. I Have Forgiven Jesus Good kids, regardless of the weather, do not go around mooning Jesus. And why is Thursday pathetic? They're not all that bad of a band.
4. Come Back To Camden Go back to the studio and get fire whoever wrote the backing track to this song.
5. I'm Not Sorry Who do you think you are, George Bush?
6. The World Is Full Of Crashing Bores This song makes you a crashing bore, by the way, Morrissey. The chorus reminds me of a vocal warm-up we used to do in elementary school.
7. How Could Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel They found out for themselves, that's how.
8. First Of The Gang To Die Poor Hector (of the Pretty Petty Thieves fame) died first, so he wasn't able to hear this song.
9. Let Me Kiss You You're a bit old for me, but ok.
10. All The Lazy Dykes Nobody cares about lazy dykes. People make care about horny dykes or about married dykes, but not about lazy dykes. As a result, nobody cares about this song.
11. I Like You Do you like me? Circle Yes or No.
12. You Know I Couldn't Last Wow. It must be terrible to be a rock star. I sympathize with you completely.
Yes, ba-da-bum-ching, to be sure. I'm not that funny, and the album isn't that bad, but it's not a run-out-immediately-and-buy-it sort of thing, either. I'll end with a few of my favorite lyrics--those lines for which Morrissey is known; the kind that mopey kids will plaster all over their notebooks, the gorgeous "no one likes me" lines.
"I have forgiven Jesus for all the love He placed in me \ when there's no one I can turn to with this love"
"There is something I wanted to tell you \ It's so funny you'll kill yourself laughing \ But then I, I look around, And I remember that I am alone, Alone."
"Under slate grey Victorian sky \ Here you will find, despair and I"
"I'm slipping below the water line \ Reach for my hand, and the race is won \ Reject my hand and the damage is done"
"This world is full, So full of crashing bores \ And I must be one 'cos no one ever turns to me to say \ Take me in your arms and love me"
"Because you're not right in the head \ and nor am I \ and this is why I like you"
"The whispering may hurt you \ but the printed word might kill you"
"You know I couldn't last \ Every -ist and every -ism thrown my way"
