August 19, 2004

mmmmmm. cryptic.

My ears spent the better part of the day burning.

It wasn't as bad as, say, a burning sensation when I pee, or when you get cum in your eye (it BURRRRNS) but it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

I tend to think that most anonymous bitch-slaps are all about me, that's just the way I am; this time I had a pretty good inkling that it was about me, if only residually. I don't know why I feel the need for a mea culpa of sorts.

Was it wrong for me to say it? Probably. Will I say something similar anytime soon? Probably not. Do I still feel the same way? Yeah.

I'm sure a large part of this is location and logistics. The things about which he spends his times ranting have little to no connection to my life. I live in one of those square states in the middle (the one with all the cows), and when I mentioned the problem with youth and tina at a GSA meeting last year, people thought I was referring to the new interim chancellor. I don't think I've ever met anyone with AIDS or HIV. Since I don't really relate to anything he says, his blog sometimes comes across as diatribic against all who don't agree with him, and is therefore not my exact cup of tea. Not an "eewww" but a 'meh.'

I don't mind when people fuck and share (provided, of course, that they are not overweight housewifes with food between their teeth). In fact, you'll find more than a few guys in the sidebar with some interesting stories to tell. I may be celibate, but I still have a working right forearm and a 20-year-old male libido.

Some people say that one of the main perks of being gay is that all the sexual repression and norms no longer have to apply. (Sex with horses, anyone?) Some people go through that stage and decide that it's not for them. Whatever. I still say that some social norms are there for a reason.

I've deified sex with love to the point where even my favorite porn is lovey-dovey. I want that. I want a closed relationship, even though I've never tried an open one and don't want to. There are guys with open relationships in my sidebar, and if it works for them, that's fine. Open relationships are fine and dandy if that's what you want, but they're not for me. I want all that stupid old shit like letters and sodas; I don't want to fuck and run I want to fuck and cuddle. If given the choice between hooking up on a daily basis or having sex with one person, whom I loved, for the rest of my life, well, chain me to those bars of the bed I'm staying at home.

This may, of course, be 20 year old idealism talking, and once I grow up and have gone around the block a few times I might change my tune, but you know what? You don't get romantic ideals from 20-year-olds. That's because they're mocked. So much for not being judgemental. I mean, with ideals such as these, is it any wonder that his blog isn't on my list of favorites? Not all bloggers need to be friends, or need to agree.

I'm sorry, even though I don't think he cares. He's a big boy, with skin thicker than, well, I am. I assume that he gets enought hate mail that a sentence-long blog post agreeing with someone that I don't find his blog sexy doesn't really push any of his buttons. As soon as I write that sentence, the less I think that it's all about me, but it never hurts to completely make a fool of yourself by spilling the guts of your heart in one cathartic mess of a blog post.

I'm a gay boy from Wisconsin with a blog who doesn't get nearly as many hits as you might think. I had no idea that what I say mattered in the slightest.
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.