December 17, 2004

First Words

Have you guys seen Date My Mom, the most addictive thing to hit late-night MTV since Undressed? A guy has to choose a girlfriend after going on a date with her mom, who tells all sorts of embarrassing stories, acts like a moron, and creeps out the potential boyfriend. It's great, and it's on all the time on MTV; it's just that we're all night-owls who are taking a break from studying for finals, and apparently our room is the place to be. Probably because the roommate and I are studs.

Inspired by the show, during a commerical break we started discussing our first words. There were a lot of boring responses like Mama or Bye, so let's just forget about those.

One girl was a bit of a 'round' baby, and everyone always used to say "My, what a heavy baby" whenever she was picked up.

One day, someone picked her up and little baby responded with "Hea-vy beebee."

Now it's on to my first word. I swear to god that I am not making this up.

My mom would often bring toys or something into the kitchen so she could keep an eye on me while cooking. We don't have a kitchen that opens into a dining room or breakfast nook or anything; it's pretty much just a kitchen. I'd just be there, sitting in my high chair or bumbling about. My mom would often read a book to me while cooking, or just talk to me.

Being in the kitchen, she'd have to remind me that the oven was not something to touch, in case I ever got too close.

One day, when the oven wasn't on, my mom set me on the counter, next to the oven, and my little curious self must have touched the oven when it wasn't on. I put my hand on the burner, touched my chest, and said my first word.


God I was so cool as a baby.
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.