October 4, 2005

Oh, Billy

What? Dorothy Parker Boy? Whatever happened to Billy?

Well, Friday night there was this big dance sponsored by one of the gay organizations oncampus. I wasn't really planning to go, because I don't really have any friends who were up to going to the dance with me, and I won't know anyone there, and I'm terrible at going to things like that alone. (Dancing with myself is something best done alone in my room, thank you very much.)

But Billy talked me into it. I know him, so you wouldn't be totally alone he said. It wouldn't be so bad. The bastard.

We walked to the union, and after we paid the cover and went in, he said "oh my god, is that..." and then ran into the middle of the dance crowd. I was still walking in, and didn't realize that he had run off, I just saw the back of his head disappearing into the crowd.

I wasn't really sure where he went, but once I found him I found that he was making out with someone, and so I felt awkward about going up there and dancing with them. I held up the wall for a bit and made small talk with someone who looked like one of Billy's friends but I couldn't be sure. Billy's friend wasn't in the mood to dance, he was just there for the eye candy and to swoop in when people got too drunk. I did not enjoy Billy's friend.

And then I left and bumped into a very intoxicated Dorothy Parker Boy coming back from a cigarette break, and made a little drunken small talk with him while he tried to walk up the stairs. While I was helping him up the stairs, I got a text message from Billy, asking where I was, complete with sad face. I helped Dorothy Parker Boy back to the dance, and left him in the hands of one of his friends.

I then made my way back to the dance floor, only to see Billy making out with a different guy. I continued to watch from the wall, half festering with bitterness and the other half bobbing to the beat, hoping someone would notice me and ask me to dance. (No one did.)

I went to the bathroom, and resolved to leave and say to hell with him. As I was walking past the floor, I noticed that Billy was making out with yet another person. Well, I couldn't be sure if that was Billy since it was from a distance, but I wouldn't put it past him.

So you'd think that my Friday night would be ruined, right?

Wrong. Well, yeah it was, but not so bad as you might think.

About two hours later, after watching some tv and pouting, I get a phone call from Dorothy Parker Boy. He was drunkenly stumbling home and decided to call me, saying "I was almost a bad boy and almost hooked up with this guy, even though I've never ever ever hooked up with anyone before, but then he took off my pants and I was like 'NO!! I'm going to Sleater Kinney with [Bob].' And I was a good boy and I thought you should know oh shit I just bumped into something."

Now, that's no Shakespeare, but after dating emotionally abusive Heart and the emotionally stunted Billy, that sure was poetry to my ears.

(And yes, even I wanted to throw up a little bit in my mouth after rereading that last paragraph.)
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.