Chances are, by the time you're reading this, I will never be able to get a job in a red state. I will be qualified, nay obligated, to stop people on the streets and give them makeovers. Whoopi Goldberg will call me up out of the blue and ask me to write jokes for her. I will defecate Skittles and vote when the Gay Mafia updates its 12-pt plan for inflitrating American homes.
That's right. By the time you're reading this, I will be officially minoring in GLBT studies.
An English major minoring in poetry? How will he ever be able to fag it up more? You didn't think it could get any gayer, did you? A minor in fashion design? Audit a class on Club dancing? Majoring in Musical Theatre? A certificate in catty insults? I'm bypassing all those bad boys and going for the biggie. No clever euphemisms here.
I've been thinking of ways to introduce my new field of study, but they're not gelling as much as I'd like. Feel free to leave catty comments on how to improve my quips. I'm still in school, remember.
Even though I'm minoring in gay studies, I'll still be one major homo.
I'm an English major, with a double minor in poetry and faggotry.
I may be a gay minor, but I'm legal, baby.
Wanna help me with my homework? Bring a robin's egg blue hankerchief and meet me in the woods in a half hour.
It's a work in progress.
Addendum: Speaking of gay studies, Dolly Parton and Elton John are dueting tonight on some country award show tonight. While I will be busy at a poetry reading at the time, have no fear: I hearby swear to download the clip of their performance, and, if the format is correct, make their song the ringer tone on my cellphone.
I'm pretty sure it's what my advisor will advise me to do.