I thought that having a hangnail on my thumb was annoying enough. I mean, it always gets caught on stuff, and it feels weird when I stick my hands in my pockets. Hangnails are one of those eternal complaints, with many a bad comedian dedicating hours to his act extolling the pains of having that little sliver of skin on the side of your nail. We've all had them, we all think they're annoying, but they're rarely worthy of sympathy.
However, I didn't know from annoying until late last night. After returning from the bar, (or rather, after returning from late-night cheese fries on the way home from the bar) I got home and was feeling a bit, well, frisky. My internet connection was spotty at best, so inviting someone over was out of the question. Besides, it was sprinkling out and few people are willing to travel when its raining. Dejected, I stuck in a cd of videos I had downloaded a year earlier but rarely watched.
Things were going well until I got to, well, the money shot. As I got closer and closer, my hand started speeding, faster and faster, and just as I was getting close--bam! pow! I wish it were in the kisser, but no, it was in a much more delicate place. My penis started to sting, incredibly, and I had to stop. I inspected the area closely, and found that I had stabbed myself under the head, along the rim, with my hangnail. The tip of that hangnail was red, and I could see a drop of blood lining the edge of my engorged cockhead. I had stabbed myself in my penis, and I was bleeding.
I may have been to the bars earlier that night, but I was by no means drunk, and I had nowhere near enough Bacardi in me to dull the pain of stabbing myself in the penis.
Well, at least I know better for next time, I guess. But Jesus Christ, my poor penis.
