I'm not sure if this counts as my first piece of official hate mail, but it's pretty amusing, nevertheless. (The offending post can be found here.)
hello stupid person,
i happened to be "searching" aol in need of important information when I came across the stupid poem you wrote referencing Mary Kate's collapse. I was so dumbstruck and horrified I nearly killed myself, and remind you I am only a 12 year old boy, that probably sounds quite nice to you, you unruly sodomite... gross... what do boys do together? yuck. anyways, I did not begin this "e-mail" to make fun of the gross things you did, I simply mean to say that I'd like you to revoke the dumb "poem" you wrote. Mary Kate hates you, so does God and John Aschcroft. If you write back I'll tell my daddy that you're trying to molest me, now go away.
Best Wishes,
John Updike
