The most shirtless pics of any political liveblog, or double your money back.
8:55 I limp painfully from the bathroom, caused by Initials' choice in restaurant, where his pulled pork sandwich was delightful and mine was a big sopping pile of meat and spicy mayonnaise on stale bread. It did not stay in my stomach for long. I turn to PBS and scare Initials off for the next hour. He's had enough politics for the week.
8:57 Well, PBS already has one up on NBC and CBS, because I actually know who is giving the speech right now. There's a little crawl on the bottom and everything. His tie is ugly though. His speech is awfully boring, despite the fact that giving McCain shit about his voting record when it comes to veteran's rights should be a good rabblerouser.
Oh, he's introducing a Spielberg film. I hope it's "Catch Me If You Can."
9:01 Oh.
9:03 I thought my stomach was doing better, but this is awfully schmaltzy. I think it's the piano in the background that's making my stomach queasy this time. Time to search for more shirtless pics!
9:06 Why yes, I have a heart made of stone and iron. I still don't feel like the video's plea for being nice to people probably suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I feel as though Tom Hanks should be announcing a walkathon for these people.
9:08 Polite applause at best. Total downer.
9:09 Uh oh. PBS breaks out their first pundit. She's interviewing Iraqi veterans. One looks like he's running for office. Another looks like Chloë Sevigny coming down from a drug high. The third is swimming in his suit.
9:15 Back to Jim Lehrer, who looks just as old now as he did when I was a kid and my parents tried putting him on the television until we whined and they put in a video.
9:16 And PBS has pundits talking over some sort of speech. But not for long. Biden is being introduced by some a Delaware delegate, who's talking about domestic abuse. "Sometimes to change minds, you have to change the laws." That sounds oddly... disconcerting, almost 1984 or Hitleresque.
9:18 Joe Biden's wife looks exactly the way she should. Pretty and blonde and slim, but not pretending to be younger than she is, and wearing a simple dress.
Ayay! Nancy Pelosi's dress scares me. She also can barely wield a gavel. She's giving the podium love taps.
9:19 And now it's time for another video. When Joe Biden was your age, he was winning Senate races while walking up the hill (or should I say "the Hill") barefoot in the snow.
While I'm being bored by this Biden video, let me give you a preview a future post. This afternoon I met Dale from Top Chef. You'll have to tune in Friday for the details.
9:25 Joe Biden's sone takes the stage. He looks like kind of funny in profile, but face on he's DILFY.
9:27 Hey! He's from Scranton. Just like The Office! When does that show start up again?
9:28 It's kind of a sweet story. Biden sounds like a good guy. And here he comes...
9:29 ...wearing a tie that doesn't match his suit while John Mellencamp rocks on the PA.
9:31 He squints too much when he smiles. And zing! a backdoor compliment. Some love to the wife, to Bill, to Hillary, the "bravest warriors in the world" (whatever that means) and Delaware.
"I've never been a man of few words." That's more or less the only thing I knew about Biden before he ran for office.
9:35 Aw. His mom looks adorable. She and McCain's mom should totally have a debate. Or a cage match. Barbara Bush could referee!
9:37 There are some drunk kids out on the sidewalk singing Beyonce. Freshmen are such amateurs when it comes to alcohol.
9:39 "George McCain--I mean, John McCain." Freudian slip! Nice.
9:42 He's friends with John McCain? BURN HIM!
9:44 The call and response thing isn't working so well. It took them a while to hit their stride. Really playing up the Change/More of the Same angle.
9:50 Time for some more call and response!
Oh, I guess not.
9:53 According to wikipedia, his wife is a teacher with a Masters in Education. Awesome. She's holding a mike, so we'll have to see what happens.
9:54 Uh oh, surprise guest? Oh, it's OBAMA! Biden looks actually surprised. Funny.
Does that mean Bill and Barack stood backstage together? Awkward!
Barack takes the mike. Can I get a what-what! Holla! Me and the Biden crew gonna rip it up! Hillary rocked the house!
Oh, I guess Bill is still in the audience, so I guess they weren't backstage together. I thought he was going to speak tonight.
Oh shit. Does that mean Bill Clinton didn't get prime time coverage? Damn.
9:57 We're going to the stadium because change comes from the bottom, not from the top, so we're going to throw the biggest kegger ever!
9:58 And PBS starts again with the punditry while Obama makes the handshaking rounds and all of the families come on the stage to dance to the generic rock.
9:59 Oh, it's Teresa Heinz Kerry sitting next to Michelle Obama. I would love those two bawdy broads to dish it out. Perhaps if Obama loses, they could get a talkshow on cable tv. It'd be awesome.
10:01 While the two families dance to Sister Sledge's "We Are Family" like some sort of sitcom deus ex machina, it's time for some wrapup commentary.
I enjoyed PBS' laid-back style of punditry, trying not to get in the way of the stage. I find myself knowing much more about Biden than I used to, and actually got a pretty good sense of "Securing America's Future." I missed Bill's speech, which totally sucks. I'll have to check that out on the youtubes.
But for now, it's 10:04 and it's time to stick in a movie and hit the hay.
