April 8, 2009


I went to Subway for dinner tonight, and felt really old for two reasons.

1. As soon as I sat down with my sandwich, a superskinny twink with a shaved head and guyliner walked in, ordered his sandwich, and sat one table away, facing me. He tried making eyes with me, and instead of feeling flattered, I just felt old. And fat. I probably weighed twice as much as he did (I'd like to point out that that says more about how emaciated he was as opposed to how fat I am).

2. The radio was set to a station featuring the greatest hits of today, and I didn't recognize a single song. One song had a bridge so ridiculous I had to write it on my napkin to search it when I got home to see if it was a parody or something. It was not.

Shush girl, shut your lips!
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.

I stop paying attention to pop culture for like, five minutes, and this is what happens?

Being old sucks.
Here lies a most ridiculous raw youth, indulging himself in the literary graces that he once vowed to eschew. Now he just rocks out.