Exactly five months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. Well, five months and one day ago, to be exact. He wouldn't be so mean as to break up with me on Christmas Eve. That would be wrong and cruel. Christmas Eve Eve, however is a different story.
A while back, on my birthday, he gave me a ring. It was right after we saw this movie, which I wouldn't recommend. There's a part where one of the (for lack of better term) inmates is not allowed to speak to her son, so she speaks to her ring and hopes that the sound will travel to her son's ring, which he wears around his neck. (She's cognitively disabled in the movie.) Well, we were due to leave for our prospective colleges in a few weeks, and he gave me a ring and said that whenever I needed him I could talk to the ring and I'm dumb enough to believe that. I'm sure this sounds hokey and stupid, but at the time it was really sweet.
And while I never actually spoke to the ring in hopes that he would hear me, I did start wearing it every waking moment, and even slept with it on for a while. That thing rarely, if ever, left my fingers. (I can't find a decent picture online of it, otherwise I would have done a mock up of a "Missing Dog" poster.)
But now it's gone. I took it off this morning when I was putting clothing in the laundry (it's a little big, and sometimes it slides when it's underwater) and I thought I put it in my pocket, but I'm not sure. I don't know where it is, and I've spent most of the day trying to find the damn thing. I feel naked without it.
One major reason why I'm freaking out is that I'm still not over him. He is the guy I was talking about here, along with dozens of other allusions throughout this blog. I still sleep with a body pillow and pretend it's him next to me at night. If he called right now, and asked me to come over, I'd be on the first plane.
I haven't spoken to him since we broke up (well, I did get one mass email when he moved with his new address and phone number, and he IMed me once in January to see if I could do a favor for him), and it gets less and less likely that he's going to IM or email me and ask me back.
It was really hard for me when we broke up; I couldn't listen to the mix cds he made for me, I couldn't watch some movies that were on TV because we had seen them together, I couldn't go shopping at the grocery store near his house. I'd like to think that I wasn't a complete wreck, but in hindsight, I probably was. I mean, I wrote this post, so I must have been really out of it. Hell, the first month of this blog is crap. I must have really been a wreck.
Even now, the ring is the only thing that I can bring myself to actually use of his without getting all misty-eyed.
I really, Really, REALLY need to find that ring.
