Random Thoughts About Celebrities

What? A gay blogger giving his thoughts on the Oscars? How novel. No predictions, just some random thoughts whilst watching the show. Yes, whilst. It's a valid word. Probably the only joy about living in a college dorm is that my computer and my TV are in the same room and I can post while the television event is happening. They're in no random order, because I'm just writing as I go, with maybe a bit of editing here and there. I'll try and keep it brief, because I realize that I'm not all that witty nor catty.




1. It's been said many times before, but Robin Williams needs to be put on Ritalin or something. It was slightly amusing 10 years ago, but now it's getting old and strained.
2. Kim Cattrell. Not at the Oscars, I don't think, but someone said something about Sex in the City on the red carpet. You can just tell that Kim is a total bitch in real life. It's kind of like how you can tell John Cusack is a huge prick. You just can.
3. Someone should punch Elijah Wood in the face. I'm a total pacifist, but there's something about that naive face that needs a good pounding. It's a need, really. Not a want.
4. Scarlett Johansson. Yeah. I'd tap that ass. It totally sucks that she wasn't nominated, even though most reviews that I read said that she totally deserved to be. Best dressed this year?
5. Boring, boring dresses on the Red Carpet this year. Lots of nudes and boring taupe. Yawn. Even Nicole was in a blah blue dress. Bad Nicole, Bad!
6. I totally agree with this view of Mel Gibson.
7. I'm a bit disappointed that Tim Robbins didn't make a big political statement. I'm surprised he let an opportunity like that slip by.
8. I saw the Independant Film Awards last night, and they were so much more interesting. The sing-a-longs were infinitely better than anything that Billy Crystal came up with.
9. Oh Liv Tyler. Those glasses. Why? I was ready to declare my love for your old-school glamour but then you had to ruin it with glasses better suited for Lisa Loeb. Nyet!
10. Annie Lennox is still one of the greatest singers of our generation. And by our generation, I mean the generation that came before mine. She (with the Eurythmics) had a hit before I was born; I don't think I can really call her part of 'my' generation. Wow that makes me feel young. She looks so cute when she's flustered.
11. It would have probably been easier to say "All the stupid boring technical awards went to LOTR. Duhr." That way, the middle hour wouldn't have dragged so.
12. So this has nothing to do with the Oscars, but President Bush's blog is tres amussant, even if there are only a few entries.
13. The new Tiger Woods commercial is very stupid. As is the policy of clapping for dead people. "Yay! We used to watch his movies and now he's dead! Yay!"
14. "A Mighty Wind" wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be. A lot of the humor was more 'I have a funny accent' rather than 'I'm incredulously out of it in a wierd situation.' It wasn't bad, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't as funny as "Best in Show" or "Waiting for Guffman."
15. A clean-shaven Toby Maguire is the only Toby Maguire that should be allowed to leave the house. I don't want to hear any excuses.
16. I really want to see "In America," but it's not playing in the tri-county area. Fucking hicks can go suck a cow.
17. Good for Sean Penn, but I bet Bill Murray's acceptance speech would have been the talk at the water cooler for days. Oh well.
18. Oi. Steven Spielberg irks me. Shut up!
19. I would have rather "Lost in Translation" won, but oh well. LOTR is so overdone. 11 Oscar wins tonight? Peter Jackson's ego must be as large as his glasses-- guffaw guffaw.
20. All in all, I can't believe I missed Adult Swim for this.

last pseudo political post for a while (I swear)

The Bible is 2000ish years old. It's been translated dozens, if not hundreds, of times. Its original language has very few direct translations, and there are tons of metaphors, expressions, and figures of speech that scholars have no idea what they mean (e.g. 'turn to salt' means to become barren, not literally turned into a pillar of salt), to say nothing about the various political influences whilst translating. While I think the Bible says a lot of great things, I don't think it is the verbatim word of God. I don't mean to deride anyone for their theology, but I feel that the Bible is too flawed to use for legislative justification.

The following is the first few paragraphs from a political paper I was supposed to write last semester; however, it was supposed to be nonpartisan paper, so I had to forgo this draft. But it's a good start.



     More than two hundred years ago, founded under pretenses of liberty and equality for all, our country declared itself a haven for people of all nationalities, beliefs, backgrounds and ideals. Throughout history, however, this nation has not been as diligent in maintaining that utopia that the Founding Fathers envisioned. Countless minority groups, including women, African-Americans, Japanese-Americans, Native Americans, Immigrants, Catholics, Jews, atheists, and anarchists, have been persecuted in this, the land where ‘all men are created equal.’ After equal rights, affirmative action, reparations, and social evolution, only one minority group is still seen as sub-human, and their rights are actively ignored, if not out and out outlawed- the gay community. The Supreme Court only recently legalized sodomy, it is still legal to discriminate against someone due to their sexual orientation in 36 states, and gays are still denied the right of marrying the person they love. The topic of gay marriage will prove to be a deciding factor in next year’s presidential election; many view President Bush’s declaration of “Marriage Protection Week” as an blatant slap in the face for gay marriage supporters, and the proposed Constitutional Amendment outlawing gay marriage would further denounce and vilify the gay community.

     Most views and beliefs about the gay community are derived from the bible. This 2,000-year-old book has had a profound authority over world history, and is quite possibly the most influential book in history. However, as research states, the bible is not as infallible as it appears to be. Throughout the reign of Christianity, from the “Dark Ages” to the conservative moment of today, the Bible has been mistranslated and taken out of context to prove one view or another. This paper proves the problems inherent with the current papal administration’s views of homosexuality, and the sway it holds on American ideals.

I am sofa king ennui yang!

Isn't righteous indignation the worst?


Note to self: Don't stay up late listening to pundits talk about what the Bible says about marriage. Nothing good will come of it.

Abomination

Abomination. n. 1. The feeling of extreme disgust and hatred; abhorrence; detestation; loathing.

2. That which is abominable; anything hateful, wicked, or shamefully vile; an object or state that excites disgust and hatred; a hateful or shameful vice; pollution.

3. A cause of pollution or wickedness.




Remember, according to Leviticus, it is an abomination to eat pork or shrimp, go out in the rain without a raincoat, be served your food by a woman in her menses, have sex with her during her period, wear clothes made of multiple blends of fabrics, adopt the customs of a foreign land, touch a menstruating woman or anything she touches, wear glasses, get a haircut or shave, touch the skin of a pig, read your horoscope, get drunk, pray in public, eat spam, pick up sticks on a Saturday, charge interest, lie about your weight, to swear, have a tattoo, break your leg, to be a dwarf, to not marry a virgin, and to hate someone.

Oh, and homosexuality.

So it's Tuesday,

Fat Tuesday to be exact, and I'm spending the night watching QE and reading some Marlowe.

If/When I become famous, I think historians will look back and say this is my "Stupidly Alone" phase.


For all the suffering that I'm doing, my art better be fucking genius. I am owed.

Frankenstein or Hotties-- the eternal question

Hmm... do homework or find out what my type is....

Well, duh...


Thanks for taking Match.com's Ph.D.-formulated Physical Attraction Test, a revolutionary development in the world of relationships. This scientific system will help you narrow your search for those who are truly compatible with your physical preferences.

Below is the summary of your report.


Favorite Qualities
Your photo choices suggest a man over 30 is probably getting a little old for your tastes
You seemed interested in dating a man at least 25 or younger
Very handsome men
Round-shaped faces
So-called "Ectomorphs," or thin angular faces
So-called "Endomorphs," with full, curved faces

Favorite Looks
One of the "looks" that you consistently noticed has been described as "The Boy Next Door." He has an open face, with big eyes, and a big grin. He has a youthful or boyish quality that will follow him throughout his life. Typically this look is associated with light brown hair, a close shave, and blue or hazel eyes. These guys convey a warm, trusting impression, but watch out for that mischievous side! Our studies find that about 1 in 5 men (18%) are especially attracted to this youthful look.

Some may call another of your types "Pretty Boys," but all you know is that they're gorgeous. The combination of classic good looks with small noses, beautiful eyes, and full lips is hard to resist. These guys tend to be clean shaven, have clear skin, and get good hair cuts. They're taking good care of themselves so they can be "pretty" just for you! [Well, you and the 1 in 3 men (33%) that are also after them!]

Favorite Face Type
You especially liked a pattern scientists refer to as "Ectomorphs." Geometrically, they are similar to triangles, because they are widest at the cheekbones and then narrow to a relatively pointed chin. Ectomorph men are said to have "angular" features, including a chiseled nose and prominent cheekbones. Historically, these faces have been viewed as distinguished and were often found on European royalty. These men also tend to have lean builds. [And, you may want to watch out for those ears, since on true Ectomorphs, they tend to stick out a good bit.] About 46% of other men especially prefer this face type.

hmmm

So I may or may not have just set up an online personal ad, and I may or may not feel like an unloved freak at the moment....

Ugh.

like a polaroid picture.

Anyone else feel as though this should have been a story, oh, 6 months ago, before people became obnoxiously sick of the song?

Polaroid is out of the loop, I'd say. Maybe they need to shake up their PR people-- shake them like a Polaroid picture!


Yeah that's right. I went there.

nyah nyah nyah

Truly, this is the scariest website in the world. I blame k.

The show has only been on for 5 minutes, but I'd like to be the first to point out how gay the guy's brother is. So gay. I wouldn't be surprised if he and Kyan got it on. My ears still hurt from the thousands of fangirls' screams of glee when he and Kyan were talking together.

I think that's it for now. I just wanted to be the first to post how gay the brother is. I'm sure that most gay bloggers will be saying similar sentiments tomorrow, and I would just like to say "nyah nyah." Not that this blog matters, but still.

Nyah.


::addendum:: girlfriend? nuh huh. don't buy it.

everything i say is right...

Inspired by Liz, I've been going through old blogs and rereading them. I stumbled upon this little ditty from exactly one year ago. That was cool of me.


Everything I Say Is Right.


I’ve decided that anyone who attacks me, tries to refute my logic, does not agree with my views 100%, intimates that not everything I say or do is perfect, does not understand and support my cultural, political and sexual positions, or refuses to accept each and every one of my many viewpoints must be “anti-Bob” or “unBobeian”.

Next time someone disagrees with me, I’m gonna straight out accuse them of being unBobeian. If they try arguing with me, I’m gonna call them anti-Bob, and shut down all paths of communication. If they attempt to in any way to criticize me or my massive intellectual framework, I will point out their blatant Bobeism and call for their head on a chopping block.

falling over my head...

So I caught some flak yesterday for my away message. My credo for yesterday (in previous post) was not to let my loneliness make me bitter on Valentine's Day-- that's so clichéd.

However, I restarted my computer that morning, and Trillian, unbeknownst to me, reverted back to a different away message than it had before. My away message for most of the day was a Morrissey lyric, and we all know that Morrissey lyrics and Valentine's Day do not go hand in hand (or should I say Hand in Glove?).

And so, despite my declarations that I will not become a blubbering blob of pity and pathos, it appeared as such. Damn you, Morrissey! (And, while I'm whining, release your next album, already.)



If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know ...

'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms"

The plan for today...

I do not feel left out on Grandparents Day.
I do not feel like running for public office on President's Day.
I do not get angry when I am not asked to play dreidel during Channukah.
I do not sire children on Father's Day.
I do not travel the seven seas killing people on Veteran's Day.
I do not emmigrate on Canada Day.
I do not burn myself in effigy on Guy Fawkes Day.
I do not give speeches that kids will grow bored listening to on MLKJr Day.
I do not miraculously give birth to a deity on Christmas Day.
I do not serve myself on a platter on Thanksgiving Day.
I do not perfom miracles on All Saint's Day.
I do not rouse an angry mob to kill me on Good Friday.

Therefore, I will not feel all alone and unloved because it is St. Valentine's Day.

At least, that's the plan.

Hi. My name is Bob and I'm a blogaholic.

Well, that's not true. I'm a readaholic, or a diaryaholic, or something along those lines. I'm addicted to reading other bloggers. I'm sure that anyone on my list who checks their stats counter thinks that my IP address is a bug; for a while, I would check my favourite blogs six or seven times a day. (For those interested, I'm the one at uwsp.edu) I really hated it at school for the first few months (which isn't to say that I'm enjoying myself now), and spent most of my time in front of my computer, hoping, praying that someone would update, and that I could live vicariously through them, since life sucked so much for me at the time.

I'm not that witty. I had odd reservations about posting anything about my sex life. I'm sort of a homebody, but it's not self-induced. I'm far too self conscious to post any pics of myself. I rarely if ever have any great insights into the human psyche. I don't have an overlying theme, unless you count pretentiousness, pseudo-poetic posts, or weak literary references. I have a livejournal for the random link and quiz result.

And so I try. I emulate and fail. I fancy myself an aspiring writer (as most English majors do, I imagine) and one thing that has been bludgeoned and bludgeoned into my head is that I should keep a journal and write daily. While I do post something over at the livejournal most every day, I don't think anyone actually considers what I write there important in any way, and I don't really think that's what my teachers meant.

For all those people linked, I think I may have left a comment or two at a handful of the sites, and bandied an email or two with another handful, but none of them link me back, and I think I'm fine with that. I haven't really done anything to deserve recognition yet at this site. I'm not looking for recognition here. (Or maybe I am. Otherwise, why would I link them in the first place?) I haven't given this site out to any of my friends, and most of my inbound links are from blogsnob (or another blog linking directory) or from a comment left on another webpage.

I haven't really made this page public, and I don't think I want to. At first, the blog's secrecy was due to my indecision with the HTML; I modified the template myself, and my knowledge of HTML is basic at best, and so I slowly taught myself how to make the changes that I wanted. I still haven't decided if I like the layout or not. Then it was that I only had a handful of posts, and I wanted to build up a cache before I let people read it. And now I don't know what's keeping me, except for a desire to create an online alter ego.

Um, I think that's enough insecure and self-doubt for one post. I'll continue this later, maybe. I'll leave you with something Virginia Woolf wrote. I read this in a blog somewhere, but I forgot whose. I like posting something vaguely artistic with every post, and this is slightly on topic, so here we go.



What sort of diary should I like mine to be?
Something loose-knit and yet not slovenly,
so elastic that it will embrace anything:
solemn, slight or beautiful that comes into my mind.
I should like it to resemble some deep, old desk,
a capacious hold-all in which one flings a mass of
odds and ends without looking them through.
I should like to come back after a year or two
and find that the collection had sorted itself and
refined itself and coalesced --
as such deposits so mysteriously do -- into a mold,
transparent enough to reflect the light of our life
and yet steady, tranquil compounds
with the aloofness of a work of art.

So today, the roommate and I

went out for lunch, and on the way he spotted a sale: a nalgene, caribiner, and hankerchief for $10. He was in need of a new waterbottle, and I floated him the money. He chose a rusted orange nalgene, a black caribiner, and a brownish hankerchief (he's such an autumn, which limits my ability to borrow his clothing, the bastard). He absentmindedly took his new bandana and stuck it in his back pocket, which elicited much laughter to spurt from my piehole.

Obviously he has never heard of hanky codes; since I was feeling benevolent, I revealed to him the error of his ways. While I doubt that anyone else in the area is aware of hanky codes, I didn't think he'd want to take a chance. I'm pretty sure he didn't want to advertise the fact that he's into that sort of thing, mostly because he isn't, at least to the best of my knowledge.

choad: n. stinking, disgusting fuck (Brit. slang)

Last night, the roommate and the creepy choad (which is how he should be referred) decided that they would be cute and take a shower together. They are idiots, and therefore decided not to go into the separate room with a shower, the room with a door, but would instead take a shower in the stalls, where pretty much everyone could see. And see they did.

I spent a fair chunk of my night last night convincing the large football players across the hall that they shouldn't go and beat the shit out of those two fucking faggots. After a fair amount of persuasion, the football players agreed not to beat the shit out of the two, provided that it never happened again.

The two were so oblivious that they didn't realize that anyone would mind that two guys were taking a shower together.


I should have let the football players teach those silly faggots a lesson.

Dear Crappy English Professor,

I would like to inform you that I cannot hold myself responsible for any future outbursts of disgust should you continue to rhyme Yeats with Keats. You're teaching a class on Romantic and Post-Romantic English Literature, for fuck's sake. Here, I even found a limerick to help you remember the proper pronounciation. Thanks.

Sincerely,
this raw youth

P.S. Please inform the English professor whose office is next to yours that Sir Gawain does not rhyme with Wayne. Much obliged.

lions and tigers and lesbionic juices, oh my!

A friend of the roommate's has a lesbo-licous crush on the divine Ms. Allison Janney, who stars in my new obsession,The West Wing, found at least 3 times a day, thanks to the joys of reruns. Occasionally we get together and fawn over the show, as is appropriate. Last night, however, the friend almost ruined things by nearly creaming all over after I found an article featuring a photo of a nude Allison reading a newspaper. Obviously, the roommate and I don't allow that sort of behavior in the room; we have a reputation to maintain--gay roommates can't have lesbionic juices all over the place. That's just unsightly.

Don't you know that you're toxic?

I could try to be creative and actually write something of some substance here today, but I'm not in the mood for any poetry or glitz. (unprotected text)


We don't apologize for lapses in posts in these here parts. Instead, we just note that our Lichtenstein calendars have flipped, and we can only assume that Mr. Bellamy wants us to update (Navy outfit sold separately).

So now we forgo all the literary graces as the tagline implies, and post something tangible, without a whole lot of crappy metaphors or poetic mangling. We also refrain from using the royal 'we' from now on, as my ego has shrunk and can no longer be referred to as a different entity.

I'm back at school, continuing to hate it, and still finding factual and judgement errors of my professors. But this is a whine-free post, so I'll keep from detailing the basic errors that certain professors are claiming as the truth. I've tagged along with some of the roommate's friends and watched them get drunk, and if it weren't for the fact that I did laundry yesterday, I doubt I've left my room, except to take a shower. Whine whine whine.

Time to stop pretending. I'm not really as stupidly depressed as the previous few posts imply, but then again, nothing else interesting happens to me, and 2:30 in the AM posts tend to get poetic for no apparent reason. Probably from reading too much jockohomo. I like to pretend that I'm a decent writer, worthy of being published, but then I read some of my previous posts, and realize that probably not.

So I'm watching that one football game with the roommate's cicisbeo. He's so creepy, full of lies and exaggerations, and I don't know if I believe a word he says. I sincerely doubt that the two teams spend their summers training at our school. The roommate won't be back for 3 hours at least, but his mistress (er... mister? There has to be a better word for the guy with whom the roommate is making a cuckold of his boyfriend) is making himself comfortable. One good thing about watching everyone get drunk a few nights ago is that most of the roommate's friends find him creepy as well. Thanks, Kahlua.

The roommate asked me today if the cicisbeo had ever hit on me. Obviously the answer is no, since no one ever hits on me. The roommate should have caught on to that by now. Duh.

In other news, I have a new guilty secret. I find myself not as obnoxiously disgusted by the new Britney Spears' song as I should be. I've even had the song stuck in my head without the desire to bludgeon my head with something large and metallic.

Now I do believe that the second chapter of my novel is calling to me. More later, hopefully more coherent and eloquent.